Having just had my 43rd birthday away from my wife and beautiful 3week old baby girl I have finally come to the end of my road with hope. In November 2013 our home was raided by police and all our computer and technical equipment taken away for police forensic searching for proof that indecent images had been made and distributed by me, an allegation I strongly deny. What I have stupidly done is take pictures of my neighbours flashing their underwear as they bend over in their garden, along with images of children playing on a nearby playground, ALL totally inappropriate and of which I am ashamed but none of the children are indecent, based on the 1-5 scale the police are using. The images I have taken and put on the internet do not even meet level 1 of indecency (the lowest rated level) These are all actions I did many years ago when I had no work and was bored. I totally forgot about the website I had posted to (a general interest photo website similar to flickr) and as such had no idea why the police were raiding our home. 2 weeks after our beautiful baby girl was born the childrens services team (social services) removed me from our family home. This is one week ago today. Tomorrow is also the 2 year anniversary of the miscarriage of our other baby, who we lost in August 2012. I am of course totally ashamed of my actions and cannot offer any explanation as to why I posted the images. I cannot tell me wife or the authorities why I did what I did but I can only try and push for my innocence that I am NOT a pedophile. The social services have convinced my wife I am a monster and she, rightly so, will do all she can to protect our baby. I would NEVER harm that little girl, she is the most precious thing in the world to me along with my loving and most adorable wife. I have tried to cope and can no longer bear the thought of what I have brought upon her world, how I have destroyed it and blown it to pieces. I cannot bear the thought that she will not have me in their lives and NO, I am not looking for sympathy, I know my actions were wrong, but not that wrong that I am the monster these services are making me out to be. So the end of the line has come and I am merely wanting to go in some form of public record place to state my complete disgust at myself for all I have done and all the pain and suffering I have brought in to these peoples lives and that of our families. I cannot live with the pain of knowing I ruined everything and that of the constant hurt I have caused my wife. I have to end it. I wanted to await the outcome of the police investigation to prove I was stupid and idiotic but NOT a pedophile. I can no longer live with what I have done and the only way to end the pain and suffering for all those people who I love is to end my life. Please dont judge me. This is not cowardice. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I have read of all the forms of how to end it and have selected my method. Thank you for reading and I hope others dont follow in my footsteps. Find some hope and cling to it. I had mine taken away, I had my rights to hope and love and forgiveness taken away when I did what I did many years ago.