Hey I don't know how I should start this, really...I have been through a tremendous amount of suffering and torment these past few years. Such that I don't think I could adequately describe it with words. I have battled all my adult life with very black depressions, which ever I feel is lurking to swallow me up if I don't stay on top. I have also dealt with severe body image issues. I know how that can destroy you. Believe me. When I was at my worst, for a whole year I was suicidal. In such agony I wanted to die **every single day**. I felt so low about myself that I could only leave the house at night, and even then in disguise. My life became an endless prison of terrible nothingness. On top of these struggles, I have also had to come to terms with my sexuality as a gay man. Brought up in a strict religious household, this was less than an easy thing. When I was finally able to accept myself and met my first love, sadly things did not go well. I was sucked into an abusive relationship. And I fell very deeply in love with this abuser. Extricating myself from his control was not easy. I don't know what else to say, except that it is never too late and that you have to fight. Fight everything that betrays you and refuse to be a victim of the crap you can't fully control. You absolutely have to take the power back. The true test is not what is thrown at us, but how we choose to deal with it.