Just another one ready..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mitzi, Apr 24, 2012.

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  1. Mitzi

    Mitzi New Member

    I've tried 3 times (on the books) and was found.. ended up on a vent, etc.. I've taken enough so I don't understand whyyyy it didn't work. Full bottle, then many bottles and even crushed em the last time cause I've had gastric bypass and thought maybe that was why it wasn't absorbing enough.. I say on the books because I've done it at least 2 other times.. made sure I wasn't found. I went in the woods and STILL woke up, with the worse case of poison ivy I've ever had.. I don't understand it.. why can't I do it right? I guess i need to get a gun or something. I've read online what it takes and took em all plus more but I still keep on waking up!! sigh.. Had to go in for 72 hours each time of course.. 1st 2 were such a waste of time and the place that scared me the most, the 'bad place' I'd visited when on clinicals when i was training as an RN was the best place I've been. All therapist I've been assigned to after each were either so unorganized it took me the whole time I was with them to tell them who I was again AFTER she found my file on her desk or was just a home gal that new the county we lived in and that's all she talked about (what was going on in the area). I live in backwoods Kentucky so not many options and I've run out of them. I'm looking into better options now cause pills aren't doing it..
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Mitzi, what's behind these attempts? Why do you wish to end your life?
     
  3. Mitzi

    Mitzi New Member

    Soo many reasons, but I guess they all stems from my Meniere's Disease.. it's such a rare disease and I have it the worst of most by all the docs I've seen.. It's why I had to quit working, which I hate because I love helping people. It's stopped my driving unless I'm having a very good day because I'd never put someone else in danger. My husband leaving me Dec 14th of 04 didn't help, can say I've gotten over that but.. now all I realize is my disease.. not many even know what it is. I don't get out of my house much, very little human contact. The only thing that keeps me going is my niece, she has panic attacks so I need to be there when she calls.. she can go a month without a word then call again and be like no time has passed. If I can just get a lethal disease, cancer, or something instead of someone else getting it.. I ask for that each and every day, I say give it to ME GOD instead of them. Let me go, I just wonder WHY He can't do that.. I don't care how long or how much I'd have to be in pain.. just give me that at least to let me go..
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    It sounds an awful disease to have, so much uncertainty.
    Sorry that your husband left, that cannot have helped how you feel.
    You have this site now, as someone who has social anxiety, I understand a lack of human contact and this site really does help with that.
    Does your niece only treat you as support? Does she come and see you at your home?

    You like to help people, that is admirable. Do you do anything towards that at the moment?
     
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