Hello. I realize that I am just another person on here who's experiencing these emotions... but I guess I just wanted to share my story with those who get it... I was always a pessimistic, anti social girl and it turned into some form of depression about two years ago. I'm in high school, so okay, go ahead and tell me that makes all of this insignificant. I'm so tired of hearing that my problems aren't real--that I should just be able to let go of them. Even though my general doctor thought it was, in fact, depression and not just being a teenager. My parents fucking hate each other but they can't divorce because we have so little money, so I suppose that drama triggered it. I used to cut every day. I got really messed up by this guy who I thought was my friend and more, but when he found out about the cutting he abandoned me. I seriously considered suicide for two months, never quite able to go through with it. I had decided on the pill method, but something happened just as I had made my decision: I made a new best friend; a different guy a few years older than me who understood what I was going through. He had attempted to hang himself when he was my age (two years younger) and was still dealing with emotional problems. We bonded, and were inseparable. I refused all the antidepressants pushed on me, because I was so high off of being with him. We fell in love... it was the perfect movie romance. It was the kind of love that you KNOW is real, that he's "the one." We lasted for a very long time, and I gave maybe a little too much of myself, physically, to him. We had so many plans for the future... I wrapped my whole life around him, until I had NOTHING else. One day, when he was going through some family troubles of his own, he began to not know how to deal with them and began pushing me away. I tried to help. I really did. I wrote him a two page letter asking what was really wrong, how I would always be there... He said he wasn't sure about "us" anymore, so I dumped him on the spot. I realized that mistake instantly but it was too late, and I feel so fucking guilty knowing that I hurt him. If he is to be believed, he still stays up crying every night "wanting to throw myself out the window." I asked for him back but he said I "murdered" everything we had. Now without the distraction of him... all the depression is flooding back. I'm going to wait three more days, and on the last I will call him and ask "is there anything left to tell me?" If not... well, I already have the xxx and note ready. I strongly believe that a person's fate can be fulfilled before old age, and I feel like I lost my place, where I was supposed to be. I don't see or want any other option, but I just figured I should vent for now... I'm sorry if I've wasted anyone's time, I'm sure I sound a bit pompous haha.