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Just another pathetic gay falls in love with a straight guy

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by irreversible, Jun 19, 2007.

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  1. irreversible

    irreversible New Member

    I am not quite suicidal right now, but if it goes I will probably finish it all at once. So, here is my short story. This guy is not exactly a friend. We are rather co-workers with a friendly relationship. Recently, for the first time, I came out as gay and he was the first one to hear that. I didn't tell him that I am in love with him, although I made a few remarks that would point him to the right conclusion that I'm in fact in love with him. It seems that he accepted who I am. However, a few days ago he quit. And I no longer have contact with him. I could have called him, but it seems to me that he is aware of my feelings towards him and he tries to avoid me. I feel pretty depressed. I consider moving out of state, but the memories of him will hunt me for a long time. I wish I didn't meet him, but I can't turn clocks back. I feel so lonely and depressed. I know I can't turn him gay and I can't turn myself straight. Realizing that I will never have a chance with him only makes me more depressed. Now I understand the true meaning of the intimidating word 'never'. I will NEVER be able to be with him. There will NEVER be a moment when I could hug him, look into his eyes and say that I love him. And I will probably NEVER see him again. Life is so unfair. Why me? I see a lot of people around me who enjoy their lives and are able to share this joy with their beloved ones. Probably, this is something that I will never be able to experience. Please, give me some advise. I know it probably won't help a lot, but I'm sure there some people out there who understand my situation and would like to provide a little support. (I apologize for any errors, since English isn't my first language).
  2. -Deception-

    -Deception- Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm kind of stuck in the same boat. Right now, I'm not in love. To be honest, it was a long time ago I could classify myself as even being able to feel love. These days I feel nothing. I'm emotionally numb and cold. And I'm content with that, since it's for the best. No hope > no disappointment.

    I'm 19 yr old guy and have more and more admitted the gay side of myself. I've been in love with several straight guys, but there's just so many complications. So many obstacles in the way. Obstacles that makes you think that you're so damn unlucky. Why is it so simple for everyone else? As you say: "why me?" I've never approached so much as one of them and if I did I would inevitably find myself in a very awkward situation. I've just mourned in silence and moved on.

    Nowadays I've abandoned the idea of love entirely, just like I've abandoned the idea of life entirely. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear, but frankly: love is misery. Love is just as great a source of agony and despair as hatred itself. And love withers and dies, just like everything else. I will not live life just to experience an illusion. And ultimately, love indeed is nothing but an illusion; like religion it's a manmade concept we've come up with to be able to endure our stay here on earth.

    You, however, don't seem as dejected as I am. Therefore, my only advice is for you to move on. If you can't ever be with him, you will destroy yourself if you sit there and long for him. It's probably very difficult, but you have to snap out of this and start looking for someone new. Or stop looking. Either way it's pointless to mourn the days of yore, for they are irrevocably gone.

    Take care.
  3. m pleure

    m pleure New Member

    You know, in a sense I would put my self in yor situation. Not so directly because we are both different people I'm sure. But I do love a boy, & he loves me as well. He just seems to have aproblem with not wanting to be with me. & wanting to be with his girlfriend instead. You can call it naive of me, (I know I would) but it does draw in a bout of hurt that makes me want to leave this state. Only being reminded of the redundance of hurting myself with the memory of a great "almost." I'm not sure if it's a good idea to be so quick to say you will never experience such a joy, because it will ultimatley depend on those you surround yourself by. I don't doubt your love for this mystery person, but I certainly believe you will eventually love someone who feels the same. Like myself, I will just have to wait out the pain, as unbearable as it seems, it will reciprocate.
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