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Just another post.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by mrshadow, Jun 25, 2013.

  1. mrshadow

    mrshadow New Member

    My mind, or what I perceive as "my" mind has nearly always found a way of escaping a situation, event or loss. Being logical and shoving things down into a little hole at the back of my mind has kept me for many years now, uncaring to a point with the occasional rupture, releasing some dark fluid that corrupts my logically way of thinking leading to, well simply depression or at least what I perceive it as. Truth to be told; I am lonely and need friends/people to talk to. I try not get in anyone's way and if this a silly rant please delete. I have tried to integrate myself, hygiene, and expanding my brain as fast as I can, learning things in particle physics, software creation, robotics etc, which I find, ultimately does not impress nor entertain my fellow peers or people I have a soft spot for (or like). One example of this is when I went to NASA for a small student program when I was 15 with the AISS (Australian International Space School). The response I got when I told my peers was "cool" and the they turn right around and started talking about some video on YouTube. I am labeled at my school as the "Nerd" which I find pleasing as to me it signifies my successes with knowledge and logical ability, or so I would like to think. I try to be part of things, but turn out being annoying and feeling worthless. I like to think that later in life I shall be successful, but then I look even further into time as see that I will really only be a tiny stain on the history of human kind which will fade very fast and will be lost. This outlook makes me feel the most extreme despair which many people before and many more after will experience so this doesn't make me special in anyway. So why bother? My negative outlook and environment just points to a certain way out, a door if you must. If you have read this, thank you, for it gives me a little push that let's me at least think I have made some kind of mark in this insane little world I am supposed to call home :) I have much more else I would like to release, but before I go out of control I shall stop. logically looking at this, I reckon I am attention seeking, but I think I may be allowed to do so just this once :) Love, shadow. Happiness to all other poor souls.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi mrshadow sorry you are struggling you sound like quite the interesting person one that could help so many with your knowledge You are not attention seeking you are reaching out trying to make connection which is good . I have done the same on many forums here people do listen and do care and it is a safe place to release the thoughts that tear us down a bit. Hope you do continue hun to post to reach out to make friends hugs
  3. mrshadow

    mrshadow New Member

    Thank you for your kind words :)
  4. dragonless

    dragonless Well-Known Member

    i read your words and came to the same conclusion as eclipse: you sound like a very interesting person. Have you tried to chat with others in forums that lean towards your interests? It seems to me you may just not be getting enough one-on-one with others who share your interests. Perhaps your 'peers' simply cannot fulfill every thing socially that you are looking for (which isn't to say you cannot do some things with them). i'm guessing you are a person who lives most of the hours of the day within your own head. Like it might be hard for you just to have fun, let the muscles in your body do all the work, quit thinking for a bit. People who think seriously and long and deeper than others often have a harder time making friends. That is in no way a fault of yours; it's just how most of society is. i can only suggest checking out some forums that spark your interest, and also i wonder if you've thought of speaking to someone professionally about your loneliness. Be well. :)
  5. mrshadow

    mrshadow New Member

    Thank you also. I will take your advice. I haven't tried talking to many people on the internet because I feel like a number, or a shadow in the mist of it all. Do you understand where I am coming from?