Just another sad rant from a worthless piece of shit like me...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by HiddenTears, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    I am so sick of living like this. I hate that I hate myself as much as everyone else. I only think of 2 things 24/7, suicide and her. I just want to belong. I want to stop waking up in the morning and being upset that I didn't die in my sleep. I want to wake up and be happy that I woke up. I want to stop making these stupid posts. I want to stop holding everything in. When people ask if everything is alright, I want to say, "yea" and actually mean it. I just wish everything would end and I could finally be at peace with myself. Please let me belong somewhere before I fuck up and actually succeed. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live as me.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are NOT worthless you are in pain and i am glad you can vent and get the pain out but you are certainly not worthless.
  3. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    It's obvious you don't want to die and that's awesome, i'm the exact same way. I wish to die but I don't really want to die, I just want things to be better. Pretty much everything you said I heavily relate to. I hold in my feelings constantly, it sucks. I get asked if i'm ok all the time, obviously i'm not if they have to keep asking me... I say yeah and they say ok... Just be happy you wake up and have a place to go (Here) when you feel down. If people are being dicks just fuck em and get on here and talk to somebody. It doesn't have to be about your problems cuz I know that shit gets old. My therapy is getting on here and having regular ass conversations with nice people. Where I live, nobodys nice. It's no wonder I hate most people, i'm surrounded by dicks.
  4. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    If I am not worthless than why doesn't anyone want me? I like to have a place like this to vent, but I wish I could do it face to face so someone could really help me. I want an in person friend who I can just ask for help from. Don't get me wrong, you all are great, but I wish I could have that in real life too. No I really don't want to die, but sometimes I feel like it's the only way I will be noticed so I try. But I wish I didn't have to cry out like that, I wish people cared enough about me to just say, "hi what are you doing tonight?"
  5. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean man, we all really do need human contact to stay mentally healthy. We need POSITIVE human contact, sounds like you know a bunch of bullshitters like I do. Two faced son of a guns that have no idea what your going through. Just because the people around you make you feel worthless doesn't actually make you worthless, that makes them worthless. You need to find better people to surround yourself with, I know it seems impossible but there are those people I know this first hand. Keep going dude things can and will get better. Message me if you need an e-person to talk to lol, it's better to talk to good people on a computer than shitty people in real life...
  6. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Thanks man, I really appreciate your thoughts. I want to find people to surround myself with but I can't find anyone... I told my "friend (if you can call him that)" what I am going through and it was like he didn't even want to know. I thought that if I got it out in the open maybe it would help someone understand me. But its like he just didn't want to hear that, and just brushed it off. I want help. I want to tell someone these things and have them HELP me. Even if its just something nice to say. I just want people to know I AM HERE. There has to be more to life than this. I always thought that if I had a girl things would be different. But I don't think I am worthy of having someone care about me anymore. I know I sound selfish, but I want something better for me so that I can stop acting like this. I'm just sick of waking up and thinking, "why in the hell didn't I commit suicide last night?" And I know that I don't want to but every day it's always the same.
  7. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    You're not a worthless piece of shit. I know how you feel. I sometimes am disappointed that I've woke up too and fall back to sleep praying to my subconscious to just let me die. I miss the old days before I was 16 and happy with life. You're just a person that's gone through misfortunes that a lot of other people don't know or understand.