just another spew of hateful rantings

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Smashed__

Well-Known Member
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I feel as if I have hate coming from every pore in my body. that anger, jealousy and hate have consumed me and I am just drained. I don't know why I can't help but feel this way at even the slightest upset- hell I hate myself at the moment for all of this unreasonable behavior! I can't sleep I am not really speaking more than the ocassional "hello" or yes/no to anyone but my mother- who clearly isn't listening to what I am trying to tell her.

I have started asphxiating again because it feels like the ONLY way I can get control over myself and calm down without taking sleeping pills and staying in bed all day.

I feel as soon as I put enough money away to take care of everything when I die I will be able to leave and not second guess myself again. I am sick of feeling useless and never feeling happy een for an instance. I don't know that I can take feeling alone and left behind even in a house full of people.

and what is the point of me looking for a therpist to prove I'm beyond saving to her?

I've fucking had it with everyone. :sad:

/rant
 
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