just another suicidal thread

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wrty, Oct 6, 2014.

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  1. wrty

    wrty Member

    hello there.

    I live in Poland (Eastern Europe), I'm sorry if my English is poor. I am seventeen years old now. I constantly think about commiting suicide since I was 10-11. I have never had a friend or anyone who would give a damn about me. People are either neutral or hateful towards me. I never smile. I don't have any passion, hobby, I'm not interested in anything. I spend my day on school and doing random meaningless stuff on computer. I cry almost everyday. My parents hate me, especially my father. I'm ugly and it's not like I just have low self-esteem or something, a lot of people have told me this. No one is nice to me. I hate people and people hate me. I hate myself and I hate life. I've tried commiting suicide so many times, but I just can't do it, something is holding me back. I guess it's some natural instincts. I don't want things to get better. I don't want anything besides death. I can't stand living.

    I don't know what to do.
  2. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you're so low. Why do you think your parents hate you? If they knew how much you were hurting they'd probably care a lot
  3. wrty

    wrty Member

    Maybe my mother, she's not so bad (still, I wouldn't say I love her or she loves me; I don't think I'm capable of loving anyway), but my father has never said any good thing about me. He thinks I'm worthless, sometimes he beats me (he used to do that often when I was a toddler), always screaming at me etc. I'm sure he would like me to disappear from his life.
  4. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    H Wrty, Your English is excellent. I'm sorry people call you ugly but you're not ugly. The only thing ugly is people telling you this because you're not. It seems to me that people have treated you poorly and you have been starved of the riches which kindness, respect and acceptance can bring. I want you to know that there are good people out there who do care about you and as time develops, you will find them. You mentioned your mother is not so bad. Maybe you could try speaking with her.

    In either case, try not to hate yourself but love yourself for the beautiful person I'm sure you are. Forget everything bad and remember what is good in life and if something isn't good in life, envisage how it could be good. Take care. Husky.
  5. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Not even one? and oh, your English is pretty good!
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    So sorry to hear you are low. You deserve support in your current frame of mind. You will get care and support from this forum. By the way, welcome to the forum.
  7. wrty

    wrty Member

    Thank you for trying to cheer me up, but you haven't seen me so you can't really tell. Not like it's a big deal, not everyone has to be good-looking (I'm talking about physical apperance), it's just another minor cause of how I feel.

    Thank you and no, not even one, nothing at all. I've been trying to find something I like to do but there's nothing. If someone asked me what do I like, I wouldn't know how to answer.
  8. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    wrty, your english is excellent. Better then mine actually...and I'm American. I have found that it helps to find one thing, just one, to cling to. It doesn't have to be complex. A cool breeze on a hot day, the smell of a flower, the beauty of a cloud. Find just one simple thing you enjoy and build from there. I hope you can do that.
  9. wrty

    wrty Member

    Yes, there are some little things that I enjoy a little, but I don't really have an idea how to "build from here". And even if I knew, I don't know if I'd have a will to.
  10. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Don't isolate yourself, talk with your doctor about anti-depressants, talk with a teacher, or priest, tell them what's going on, of course there is no guarantee they could help but at least it's worth a shot. It sounds like you are not getting your emotional/psychological needs from mum and dad, as they seem to have plenty of their own issues. All you can do at this point is to survive as your living in a psychological war-zone. Isolation, meaninglessness and purposelessness are what ultimately get people so do what you can to avoid them and fyi there are a great many people who have survived highly destructive relationships, including myself,(even if it means taking one minute at a time) so don't give up hope, wishing you the best.
  11. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi wrty, You're correct in saying that I haven't seen you but to me ugly people don't exist. People's words and actions can be ugly but people themselves are not. You're correct also in saying that physical appearance is minor. However, what is ugly? I mean what is an ugly looking person? I've told people that I think someone is stunning and like a contagious affliction they become stunned that I told them that. A few ignorant people have incorrectly labelled you ugly and to me that represents how they're feeling and not how you look.

    I hope that you're feeling better. It's been mentioned here that your English is excellent and I agree with this. Do you have an interest in languages?

    Take care and stay strong. Husky.
  12. wrty

    wrty Member

    not really, I've tried learning Spanish and German but I got bored with it.

    Thank you all for trying to help me, I think it's the most of nice words I've received in my life.
  13. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi wrty, You're a very nice person and you only deserve the nicest words possible. Well, many people believe that English is the most difficult language to learn and I think you know it quite well. Please keep reaching out here if you need to do so. You're a terrific person and you've got so much going for you and it's hard to see this sometimes but you do. I hope you have a great day and night. Husky.
  14. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    You're a victim of domestic violence, call a helpline and they'll advise you on the best course of action.
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