hello there. I live in Poland (Eastern Europe), I'm sorry if my English is poor. I am seventeen years old now. I constantly think about commiting suicide since I was 10-11. I have never had a friend or anyone who would give a damn about me. People are either neutral or hateful towards me. I never smile. I don't have any passion, hobby, I'm not interested in anything. I spend my day on school and doing random meaningless stuff on computer. I cry almost everyday. My parents hate me, especially my father. I'm ugly and it's not like I just have low self-esteem or something, a lot of people have told me this. No one is nice to me. I hate people and people hate me. I hate myself and I hate life. I've tried commiting suicide so many times, but I just can't do it, something is holding me back. I guess it's some natural instincts. I don't want things to get better. I don't want anything besides death. I can't stand living. I don't know what to do.