Hi there, My moods seem to go in cycles of up and down and I guess that's normal. But a few years ago the lows started getting pretty low and I tried a couple of suicide attempts. Which is harder than you'd think when you do it in a 'spur of the moment' way. So anyway, the weird self destructive phase has sprung up in my head again, after being away for so long. I feel a bit down, I crave attention from anywhere which gets lower and lower and has resulted in meeting men off the internet for sex. Disgusting, but they say really nice things to you, which is what I'm after I guess. I feel more jekyll and hyde than ever, and really want someone to have a magic answer that's going to make all the bad feelings go away. Which I suppose is why I'm here. It's weird, I know that no one has that answer, but I feel like that character from Mitchell and Webb (sorry; it's a tiny, weird UK show) who is like a newscaster and goes "Right. Is there a God? Yes or No. No debate! simple answer! Yes or No!" Can't someone just have the magic answer? Spent a fecking fortune at counselling, I'm a pretty good salesman, and just kind of figured out what he wanted to hear and gave it to him. One of my suicide attempts was while I was seeing him (drove a customers car head on into a barrier at about a ton) and I never even told him about it. Tried calling the Samaritans once and she said I should just have a nice walk. Hah! Which led me onto another hobby, which was a bit stupid and I do regret it even though it did make me feel a whole lot better at the time. I have a great life that people would be jealous of. Easy job, great wife, lovely kids, nice house in a really nice area. I don't know why I feel this way, but I know in a few weeks I'll be telling myself how much of a faliure I am and making solid plans to kill myself. Well, when I say solid, of course they are BS really as I'm still here, but you know what I mean. I'm asking for some kind of intervention so that I can get back on track and not do crazy self destructive things. Or I'm just an attention ***** who needs the whole world to be "the Peter Show!" pretty much all the time. Sorry this is so long, it's making me angry thinking about it all so I'm not going to edit, just going to post it. If you got this far; Thanks for listening!