just asking for help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sick of happy faces, Sep 28, 2007.

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  1. hi, this is my first post but i have looked at a couple of suicide forums but i chose this 1 cus it luks gud and ther are some really nice ppl on here.cause to be honest, i need some help atm because to be honest, i dont knw where to turn

    right. start at the start. my mum and dad split up in janaury this year and for the first 2/3 months i was fine. but then stuff started catching up with me. i would have strange feelings of creeping sadness that i just couldn't shake. sometimes these lasted for a day, sometimes 2 weeks. i talked to a quite close friend who i knew had problems (anorexia and bulimia) in order to help me sort out my feelings. i sent really long emails telling her how i felt and to have her send me replies made me feel like someone was with me to guide me.

    Then i did something realy stupid.i was feeling bad at the time and i sent her an email saying how i was going to die the following morning and told her how much she meant to me. It ended up with her phoning me and crying down the phone begging me to promise i wouldn’t. After that she said that i needed to go to see someone bout how im feeling because she couldn’t deal with it nymore as i meant to much for her. Now i felt stupid because we had become so close and that may have been 1 of the biggest mistakes of my life.

    So i went to another friend. Kate said that her and 2 other close friends had been talking about how much i had changed and that they all suspected that something was wrong but there was never the right time to sit down and ask. So i spilt. And later i spilt the same to the other friends and at first it helped. I felt like people cared about me and i was starting to look up.

    I was shocked to find that 1 of the friends actually had a crush on me and bearing in mind that i have been in love with this girl for about three years, u can understand my happiness. I had found the thing to make me happy. The part i had been missing. Or so i thought.

    When i asked if she wanted to make it official she said that she didn’t want to ruin the friendship we had. We had been friends for three years and met through the family. She knew everything about what was going on. It crushed me. To get my hopes up for something i could not dare to dream of had come true, only to be taken away. With that she and everyone else, in my eyes, started to distance themselves from me. They didn’t want to know if i had any feelings i had inside me i needed to get out there and she seemed to just move on, like i no longer needed them.

    I am now feeling desperate, lonely, unloved, angry and unimportant. The last time i tried to talk to the first friend bout my feelings she said i was attention seeking and shouldn’t go around sayin i hav depression if it hasn’t been prescribed. Every time i talk to any1 i am secretly spiteful and discretely hateful. I hav arguments with everyone because i get so angry. I am ruining my life because i just snap when i am pressured and say things i don’t mean.

    Let me just make tis clear. I am not saying im going to kill myself because at the mo i don’t think i would as there is too much to hold on for. But i am worried that if stuff gets much worse then i might do something i don’t fully mean.

    Can any1 help me? And plz don’t say go 2 doctors because dat is the first thing ppl say and i woudn’t be on this website if i wanted to see a docor
     
  2. btw that is a really brief summary of it so just ask if u don understand
     
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