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Just Be Yourself...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meaningless-vessel, Apr 17, 2014.

  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Something seems wrong with that line as far as I am concerned...

    Every time I "just be myself" - there's ALWAYS someone who has an opinion on what I do/don't do. To the point I am not really myself in whatever I do.

    At work - I'm just a sheep following company guidelines doing things a specific company's way.

    At home - I'm stuck for the time being with being moaned at for not doing things my mums way.

    In social situations? - I'm an outsider looking in for the most part - and when I try joining in, it's not without a response that prevents me wanting to.

    So is it really being myself? I don't know who the hell I am any more.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, meaningless-vessel. I hear all your comments about home, work, social situations. I think a lot of people feel that way at least sometimes.

    Yes, there are some people who spew their negative opinions around, yet most people don't really care too much what we do unless we are really making trouble that affects them. If they're just being negative for the sake of being negative, they have issues; they need to make others feel badly so they feel better. I would try to ignore such people and their comments as much as possible.

    The most important issue you've noted is that you "don't know who the hell [you are] any more."

    I'll put some uestions to think about - answer them here if you want, or just think about them privately. There are no wrong answers because these are just about who and how a person is in general.

    What things do you like doing? What is about those things that you find enjoyable?
    What qualities do you have as a person that you appreciate and would like to develop more? Do you have a role model for those qualities? Can you find examples of others with those qualities?
    Are you a quiet or outgoing person? (Do you prefer a large group or a small group?) Outgoing people need attention; quiet people feel a little drained after being around a lot of people. No right or wrong.
    What makes you laugh? smile? feel warm and fuzzy? get angry? feel you must do something about it?
    What things do you do or would you like to do that would make time pass very quickly?
    What is important to you in life - family, financial success, social success, entertaining others, being entertained, caring for the world, taking care of others, creating something useful...?
    Is your employment satisfying your sense of what is important to you? If yes, you're lucky! If no, are there groups or clubs or volunteer organizations that might offer that sense of satisfaction to you?

    I think that like most people you want some sort of activity or participation with people where you feel appreciated. I hope that if you think over the questions above, you can think of some new things to try. They won't stop people from nagging you, but if you're doing stuff you are interested in, what others say about you probably won't matter quite so much.

    Wishing you all the best,
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I think it is a misconception that anyone is simply "themselves" - it is completely normal to adapt to place/time/company/situation. The person I am at work is very different from the person I am socially - both are versions of myself. The trick is to be comfortable with the person you are in a given situation. If a particular person, place or situation makes it impossible for you to find a version of yourself that you are comfortable with, that is the time to remove yourself from that situation/that person's company.

    The advice to "just be yourself" is, in my personal opinion, actually very bad advice. It is usually given to someone with concerns about being accepted or problems with upsetting people/causing conflict/finding interpersonal communication difficult. Better advice would be to observe how other people who are comfortable and whom you respect/like/admire deal with the situation or people and emulate that. Once you have the conventions down you can adapt them to 'fit' you more comfortably.

    If you find that you cannot find a way to be accepted in that situation or by those people and still be comfortable, then that situation or those people are probably not for you.
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    just be yourself in spite of these people.