Just blank

sometimes suicide seems to be the only answer
i have spent all afternoon thinking of my brother
that is how i lost him
i call myself hopeless 13 and that is exactly how
i feel.
i know what it ls like not to be wanted to be
kicked to the curb
i can't evne bring myslef to eat anything today
i just sstit and sstare at my computur
i have nnoo tears left
they are gone
its jusstt me and my pills
thheeres just nno turning back
theeere's nohting to go back to anymmore
nohitng forward, nothing backwaarrd.
the eened is jussst around the conreener

 

Life seems unbearable at many points in time, but in the end is always worth it.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down, please know I'm here if you'd like to talk.

 

Whenever I got this far, I try to hold my breath and see if I really want to go.
In the end, I breathe.

I breathe because after all that's happened, I still wanted to live, even though I didn't know it at the time.

You might not think people like you at the moment, even though that's very unlikely.
And even if it's true, why would you want to take away your own chances of meeting someone you like and likes you back in the (near?) future.

Eventually, there'll always be someone. After all, there's 6.94 billion people on the planet. There can't be 6.94 billion people hating you, because if there were, you wouldn't be reading this right now.

Now go out there and find someone. Find somebody who appreciates you for who you are. It might take weeks, months, hell, years even! But at least you can find that person and share your life with him/her.

 

Linda - I know you got out yesterday from hospital and the second session of ECT is not helping is it honey?

Well - you do not need to do that again - and maybe people here who have ECT can tell us if 2 sessions is enough to know you cannot be helped.

And poor Linda has allergic reactions to meds - so do I - and only has sleeping pills!

Not eating is bad - but I know your alone there and you just out of hospital and nobody in the USA seems to think home care or someone to help with the bills and so on is a good idea. This makes me angry. At America!

Well don't worry hun - maybe get some sleep tonight but if you feel real bad go back to the hospital and make sure that you say the ECT is not working - it is obvious actually and I think you need to stay in hospital and see how a few weeks recovering from ECT makes you feel.

you cannot live alone like you are right now - so hospital is going to make you live.

Your poor brother - he committed suicide - he is asking you not to do that - you will meet him one day but not now please!

So answer my PM as I've written.

Be a friend!

Your mate in England - you know who! :biggrin:

You are a very young women - early 20s - and anonymouse is right - there is someone out there for you who will love you one day. Do you dream of ever having a family? I know you been kicked to the curb but I would fly to the USA and kick any sorry person who hurt you! But you got to get well - and one day - sure - you will find someone who loves you and who cares. A dream? Sure - but life is not always going to be like this. Happy things can happen.

inkrose:inkrose:inkrose:inkrose:

 

I had alot to do today, on top of that, I really messed up.. You might make a mistake and fail, but you know what the great thing is, you might be given a second chance at trying to succeed. I hope you will email me back sometime, normally I am on here pretty regularly. I'd love to get the chance, for us to be friends. Hang in there.. We'll be here with you every step of the way.

 

Hey there Linda - I see your up and just wondering how you are today?

Hope you can reply - I have sent a PM and wish you well for today - I always do!

So - I really hope your sleep last night cleared your head a little - the ECT is a shock honey - and makes you feel 'out of sorts' for a bit - but do keep talking to us - and cutiepie is an American so I guess its a another friend to have as she seems like a nice lady.

Anyway Linda - I send a hug your way as you've not long woken up and I hope you feel like we care out here - and we do a lot!

Your friend in England! :Leiaha:

 

As someone who has had ECT I can say that I see a real difference between 3 and 5 sessions. Don't give up yet. ECT works for more than 80% of all people who have it.

I also take medication. I have had maintenance ECT slowly lengthening the time between treatments.

 

Thanks anneinside!!!

I hope that hopeless13 (Linda) reads this.

I think that having ECT and coming out to an empty house makes things worse.

Have you eaten anything yet Linda???

Please answer my PM honey!

 

Back to hospital

I'm happy to say that hopeless13 (Linda) has decided to go back to the hospital after being released from a 2 week stay (including her second session on ECT) She was home for four days and not eating!

I'm just happy she kept in touch with me - she promised and was good there. Takes a lot to do that - its not me who is brave. Not really - Linda makes me look like a jerk sometimes. She has dealt with a lot - she is very brave and I admire her though she is only 23.

The support is bad in the USA - gotta say that - I mean the local authorities - in the UK we would have someone to visit and care for the girl - tidy up - get bills sorted - some food in the fridge.

I think there was nothing.

Anyhow - thankyou Linda for being sooo very brave!!!!

It takes a lot to volunteer to go back to the hospital - and its great that Linda never took an OD this time - its a small hope we have to be thankful for.

My prayers for Linda (hopeless13)

I'm sure your prayers will be sent out - or good wishes.

Just to update people on what is happening - as a few here do care for this young lady and are all she has when she gets out.

The patients in the hospital were kind to her - so rest easy and I am sure she will be in a better place there for now.

Thanks for reading. :smile:

And some flowers also....

inkrose:inkrose:inkrose:inkrose:inkrose:

 

Hopeless 13, We don't know each other.. But I would like to be your friend also..I've never had etc.. But have been in the hosptal ten times..I know how it makes you feel safe..I hope this next round of ETC helps you..Have they at the hospital set you up with a support group?? It helps to have support when you are out.. I would also ask what about soemeone to check in with you everyweek..Just tell them you have nobody..Are you on disability?? If not then you need to apply.. If they turn you down then geta lawyer who specialises in it.. He won't charge you for anything until you get your first check.. It will be a big check because they will haveto pay you all the way back when you first applied..It's not alot of money monthly but it is something poisitive happening in your life..Take Care!!

 

Joseph - thanks mate for being a star!

You really are!!

And sure - lets hope Linda gets a nice BIG cheque and can buy some nice things for her home - and get a support groups also.

Thanks Joe - you make me fee more hopeful for Linda and her chances of getting her life back.

You cheered me up a lot!!! :biggrin: :smile: :biggrin: :smile: