I wrote a list, its called "The Last Two Weeks" The intention was to write down a list of positive things that I could post in the positive messages section, based on an imaginary 2 weeks in my life starting tommorow. Ive written down 11 things so far, all achievable within 2 weeks. Im sitting here looking at what I wrote and I just know ill never do a single one. Im so fucking down, so numb, im really sliding into the abyss. Ive been thinking a lot about my future lately, dreaming of what it could be like if I was a different person, if I thought differently, if I was wired different, if was born in a different place, at a different time, but pray as I do for a bolt of lightning to take me away, and replace this person with somebody else...It never happens. Im so fucking lonely, Ive never felt this alone in my entire life. Every day I wake up, and every day is the same. In my bed - alone. Id do anything just to hold someone for one night, I dont care about sex, I just want to know what its like to hold a woman in my arms again. Im faceless, emotionless, and bound to nothing apart from the passing of time. Misery is my only friend. Miss Misery. i'll fake it through the day with some help from johnny walker red send the poison rain down the drain to put bad thoughts in my head your two tickets torn in half and a lot of nothing to do do you miss me, miss misery like you say you do? a man in the park read the lines in my hand told me i'm strong hardly ever wrong i said man you mean you had plans for both of us that involved a trip out of town to a place i've seen in a magazine that you left lying around i don't have you with me but i keep a good attitude do you miss me, miss misery like you say you do? i know you'd rather see me gone than to see me the way that i am but i am in the life anyway next door the tv's flashing blue frames on the wall it's a comedy of errors, you see it's about taking a fall to vanish into oblivion is easy to do and i try to be but you know me i come back when you want me to do you miss me miss misery like you say you do? ...I cant do this anymore...its all too much.