Just cant do this anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LetItGo, Mar 25, 2007.

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  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I wrote a list, its called "The Last Two Weeks"

    The intention was to write down a list of positive things that I could post in the positive messages section, based on an imaginary 2 weeks in my life starting tommorow. Ive written down 11 things so far, all achievable within 2 weeks.

    Im sitting here looking at what I wrote and I just know ill never do a single one.

    Im so fucking down, so numb, im really sliding into the abyss.

    Ive been thinking a lot about my future lately, dreaming of what it could be like if I was a different person, if I thought differently, if I was wired different, if was born in a different place, at a different time, but pray as I do for a bolt of lightning to take me away, and replace this person with somebody else...It never happens.

    Im so fucking lonely, Ive never felt this alone in my entire life. Every day I wake up, and every day is the same. In my bed - alone. Id do anything just to hold someone for one night, I dont care about sex, I just want to know what its like to hold a woman in my arms again.

    Im faceless, emotionless, and bound to nothing apart from the passing of time. Misery is my only friend.

    Miss Misery.

    i'll fake it through the day
    with some help from johnny walker red
    send the poison rain down the drain
    to put bad thoughts in my head
    your two tickets torn in half
    and a lot of nothing to do
    do you miss me, miss misery
    like you say you do?
    a man in the park
    read the lines in my hand
    told me i'm strong
    hardly ever wrong i said man you mean
    you had plans for both of us
    that involved a trip out of town
    to a place i've seen in a magazine
    that you left lying around
    i don't have you with me but
    i keep a good attitude
    do you miss me, miss misery
    like you say you do?
    i know you'd rather see me gone
    than to see me the way that i am
    but i am in the life anyway
    next door the tv's flashing
    blue frames on the wall
    it's a comedy of errors, you see
    it's about taking a fall
    to vanish into oblivion
    is easy to do
    and i try to be but you know me
    i come back when you want me to
    do you miss me miss misery
    like you say you do?

    ...I cant do this anymore...its all too much.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 25, 2007
  2. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    You can do this. I know its a lot and I know its hard, but you can do this. You need to look for some help, because its really hard to do it just on your own. Please, hold on, I know you can do this
     
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    :( Im still here, fuck if only I had the balls to do what I know I should do, its just gotta happen. Im trying to stay in there, but every day is wearing me down, I feel like a fucking zombie, theres no light at the end of the tunnel.
     
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