Just can't feel normal....

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by k_pressy, Feb 25, 2009.

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  1. k_pressy

    k_pressy Well-Known Member

    Hi there

    It's been a while since I last posted on here, to be honest I didn't see the point in letting out everything on here that I told people, just to get the same reaction that nobody really cared.

    Well, today i've gone back down to a low again and realised I could really do with letting some things out. And figured this would be the best way to do it.

    I've been on multiple anti-depressants for a while now, started off on citalproam, then venlafaxine, then fluoxetine(prozac), then sertraline, then back to fluoxetine again. Nothing seems to be helping. This time around I thought the fluoxetine were actually doing some good but at the moment it seems not so.

    I've been diagnosed by the doctor with clinical depression and dystymia (not sure on spelling, its where you have a constant low mood).

    Have just found out than an old friend of mine has died aged 19. Its being treated as suspicious, could either be murder or suicide they're not sure. It feels so surreal that I saw her not long ago. AND it feels even weirder that something like that could happen in this area, let alone it being someone I know.

    At the moment I just feel lost and empty. My dad owes me nearly £500 which he hasn't mentioned to me in a while. Part of the money he owes me is my christmas present. Makes me feel really special.

    I feel so low and worthless, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly girl with no figure. I'm lucky (or unlucky, depends how you look at it) enough to have a boyfriend that cares about me, but he's no help as he just says "you look fine" when it doesn't matter what he thinks, it matters how I feel.

    Theres just so much shit in my head that I don't talk to people about because they've heard it all before. I think people are starting to get bored of my depression. Would they be better off if I wasn't here to burden them and bore them with my illness?? I can't help it, I didn't ask to get depression!

    Anyway, thats all for now.
    Just wanted to let it all out.

    Depression is a horrible thing, I would never wish anyone to feel this way. But please remember, it is important to see a doctor rather than self-diagnose otherwise you may miss an underlying condition.

    Thanks for reading.
  2. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    what is your definition of normal?
  3. Grotesque

    Grotesque Well-Known Member

    Just keep working with the medications. Life always comes around and that udder hopeless feeling goes away. Happiness is a matter of your perspective. :smile:
  4. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    Maybe you need a new boyfriend. He may be contributing to your depression (such as suppressed anger) in ways that you hadn't thought of.

    The term is "dysthymia." I know because I have it as well.

    Cheerio! :wink:
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