Just can't get a hold of life itself.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Petal, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Right I will start by saying I am not depressed or suicidal, I do suffer from anxiety, BPD and PTSD. I start DBT this month. So society tells me I shouldn't be living at home at 26, and they're right I shouldn't. I am unhappy here. But love living at home at the same time. I need to see the social worker (will sort that out in the morning).
    I have spent the night looking at house shares in my city, there are a good few and with rent allowance I should be able to afford them - Yes back on disability. That is only part of the issue I'd like to chance (moving).

    I know I even say myself a relationship will come in time, maybe it will, maybe it won't. I don't know but being alone is not nice. I'd like someone I could share everything with.

    Next thing is my career, I started college in 2012 and this year, I quit both time because I cannot find anything I like doing. I am thinking beauty therapy now but there are no jobs for that here 'cos there are so many beauticians. I don't know what I am going to do or how I will end up.

    To put the plan in action I am going to call the people in charge of the house shares tomorrow, I'm going to get an appointment with the social worker.

    I need to badly move, I live in a tiny village which my rapist lives in too. I need to move for my mental health and to be near those helping me in the city centre.

    I need to lose half of my body weight, ashamed to say I am obese. I'm on my first week of my diet and it is going well so far :)

    So theres, moving,relationship,weight,therapy.

    Please add your thoughts? or well wishes etc? or anything you think may be useful that I haven't thought of.
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  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Out of nowhere the mental health nurse rings me and tells me she'd like to see me today, I was like why? she said i'd like to offer you some support. Delighted. I'm going to tell her all the issues I am struggling with and about housing etc. I will let you all know how it goes. What perfect timing.
  3. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Wow Petal I didn't know I am sorry. You are a brave soul! Even talking about these things must be so hard! Moving away should be the wise choice, my past experinces are nowhere near your's but living away from those people must make it easier to move on I guess. That's what I'm aiming to do, transferring to another university.
    I can't say much about what to do with work or college because I don't exactly know how things work in the US... But I would take my chance in the university if you still have your family's financial support.
    And never feel ashamed of your body! People put us down but this is our body and only we have a say in it. And you are working on a new diet, you are doing something about it! Make your body the way you feel comfortable about it!
    Hey things are already taking a good turn! How nice of that nurse to call you! Be brave Petal, I am rooting for you! You can do this have faith! You are very young, have no worries! Things will work out, hope the best and let it happen... :)
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  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Skylar...thanks you so much. I really appreciate your kindness and support. I have the appointment at 2pm (by the way I'm in Ireland, not the US), and hoping to talk about all these things at the appointment. I have 45 mins to talk with her so hopefully I will get everything that I want out. I do believe in myself.

    Yes our body, our say! But for health reasons too I need to bring down my weight. I started my diet last Friday and I haven't even craved chocolate once, I have been drinking almond milk, have wholemeal rolls with lean meats and veg and having healthy yogurts and fruit. I have actually surprised myself! I get weight on Friday again so will let you know how it goes! I will definitely be down a few lbs!

    I can't go straight to a university because I didn't finish school, I would have to go to a smaller college then try and get into a university. It just seems so hard. Especially when I cannot commit to it because there are days when I just cannot go outside- that is why I am on disability.

    Thanks for your caring response, I appreciate it more than you know. I will keep you updated.
  5. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Hey Petal I'm really happy to hear your taking control of your life and making some positive changes. I know that change is always scary even when we are doing it for our own good, so remember that we are still always here for you:)
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  6. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Yeah I definitely can relate. I skipped most of my classes this year and I started going to classes again but I get super nervous, my face turned literally red yesterday out of anxiety and frustration. It'll take time but we'll get there :)
    It is nice to hear you're eating healthy. I am staying away from junk food, too and with the help of gym I lost 5 pounds in a week :D
    Anyways hoping to hear good news from you, best of luck with the appointment!
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  7. Wakko

    Wakko New Member

    hey man, im new here and i don't really know your stories and you for all that matter, but i sincerely hope you'll be fine. my father had a problem with obesity and with some determination and a good diet he lost 30 kilos. if he did it, you can do it
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  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Awww hun, I was just like you, so nervous, I am just back from the day hospital, i'm very disappointed to hear they have changed their rules and dates, it now won't be starting until February or March and only 16 people will get to do it, they think I am high priority wise and that is why they called me in today for 45 mins to talk, I will be going to talk to the nurse/counsellor again next week which is good news but regarding the DBT, I literally cried when she told me the new set of guidelines but there is nothing I can do but wait and see, I am upset though :( ....but I thank you dearly for your well wishes.

    Well done, 30 lbs is a lot. Think of the weight of a pound of butter or lb of sausages, its a lot, well done to your father. Welcome to the forum buddy, I hope you will like it here,its like a big family really :)
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  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thank you hun, I'm trying hard to make things change although I don't like change. Thanks for your continuous support through the nights and days, it's very much appreciated.
  10. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Thank you to Petal, you've been a lot of help to me since I came here , it feels like I've known you longer than a month:). I'm sorry but what were you referring to that is being pushed back until February or March?
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  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Awwww thank you, you're a sweetheart, i love talking to you, you're a fun , caring person :)
    The DBT therapy has been pushed back to feb/march and I was originally told I was a definite for it but now they are doing it by priority, that could still mean i'm in but it's rattled my cage a bit.