Just can't make human connections... at my wit's end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nobody special, Mar 29, 2007.

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  1. This is going to probably sound pathetic, but please hear me out.

    I am very shy, borderline agoraphobic. I rarely leave the house. I have no friends. I am isolated almost all the time.

    I really am starved for personal connections with people. I have a very hard time making friends or even acquintences. I've fallen lately into a deep depression just from being so lonely. Even online I find it very difficult to make friends. I just can't connect with others.

    Recently someone on another forum sent me a private message asking if I wanted to be e-mail buddies, and I learned that they were in a pretty similar situation to mine. I was so happy. You don't know how good it made me feel to actually have someone WANT to talk to me! We sent messages back and forth for about a week, and all of a sudden they sent me a message overnight and then deleted it before I could read it. Now the person is totally ignoring me (while they continue to post on the forum like nothing ever happened) and I feel destroyed. I've sent multiple messages that they just read and ignore.

    I guess this sounds pathetic, but to have someone finally want to really talk to me and then suddenly totally cut off contact kills me. My mind is racing with ideas of what I could have possibly done wrong, said wrong. I am very open about my life on this other forum. I've posted pictures of myself. All I can think of is that I must have done something wrong. Maybe I am too ugly. There are 100 maybes and I just can't stop thinking about it. I opened myself up to this person on a personal level, and this is something I can rarely do.

    All I wanted was a friend. This is so pathetic. I felt like I was near rock bottom before this happened, but now I have hit a new low. There is just something deeply wrong with me and I don't even know what it is. Maybe it's the years of isolating myself and not developing acceptable social skills. There must be something wrong with me to turn people off from me this much. This isn't the first time something just like this has happened.

    I thought about asking the person to at least give me the dignity of a response. Maybe I'd ask them to at least tell me what I've done wrong that made them totally ignore me. However, the last thing I want is for someone to talk to me because they felt obligated. That's why I felt so good when this all first started, because they reached out to ME and wanted to talk to me. It was one of the first times I actually felt wanted by another person, as sad as that might sound.

    I just can't make personal connections with other people and I can't take it much longer. A simple thing like this is something that most people take for granted, yet I am starved for. It's one of the basic human needs. Everyone wants to be able to connect with others on some kind of level.

    Every day I think of suicide, of all the different methods and ways I could do it. I think about how it would put me at peace, and kill this unfillable hunger to have a human connection with others. All I want is to be wanted, if that makes any sense. To have someone that wanted to talk to me or be around me. I think I would be in heaven on earth if by some miracle someone ever LOVED me.

    I just can't cope with this for much longer. Life feels so hollow and meaningless when you are truly alone in it.
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    1. to get a friend, i had to learn the hard way that i had to be one. never let anyone tell you that people will come to rescue you; go out there and rescue them- they also are starved for human connection. never judge others and think they wouldn't wanna be your friend. step into your fears and meet people. no one will eat you up- trust me. with practice, you will be a pro. you will soon discover that people NEED someone to come over and talk to them. talk to people about what they are interested in. listen.

    this site will make you laugh. read the article. we are all in the same battle. we came to this earth to overcome fears like yours (self control) among other things. you have to learn this. you learn by practicing. in the end you will find out all the fears existed only in your head. REMEMBER ALSO THAT EVEN JESUS WAS NOT ACCEPTED BY EVERYONE. don't expect everyone to like you. thats human. Even God who made us has been rejected by most of the world! even i gurantee that you can't like everyone. correct me if i'm wrong. so if someone ignores you, don't take it personal ( i mean, the email buddy has never even seen you, how can they possibly reject or hate you????!!). this is a lie you've told yourself - agree. remember F.E.A.R (False Evidence Appearing Real)


    i love you. p.m if you wanna talk. i'm not online though, so don't take it personally if i don't reply asap.
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Sorry can't make a long post, gotta be sleeping right now actually.

    Your situation isn't pathetic AT ALL. There's a lot of us here on this forum that also have HUGE social problems, social anxiety, etc. As bad as yourself, so you aren't alone at all. I myself have no friends either, I used to a long time ago, but now I'm convinced I'm so boring and inferior that nobody would want to be my friend and also I just don't feel like making any, even though I know its the right thing to do and I should, its a huge thing that bothers me every day. I feel your pain totally and so will everyone here. :hug:

    I do feel that you will best connect of course with people suffering like yourself with social anxiety, but they will also be like you, afraid to come out of their shell so it will be hard to find those you can really connect with but best of luck. And glad you found this forum :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2007
  4. It seems that ignorance is becoming a commonly accepted action by people who fail to realize that it is one of the main evils which will destroy this world. Society is becoming crueler and less tolerant of those it despises, social groups are disintegrating due to discrimination it does toward others who are seeking acceptance and accomodation. With all of this horrible hostility, no wonder why hope seems to fail, even for the most determined of individuals. Yet, it is the individual who remains completely free, despite the evil which surrounds them which is out to destroy the individual, by corrupting their beliefs, manipulating their minds, sickening their soul and spirit, and killing them with whatever form of corruption which remains to be used. What then remains left, is a form, void of any emotional feeling toward others. Well, that pretty much summarizes the direction of humanity.

    Anyways, hope, whatever there is left for you, can be used by you to improve your life, as long as you build a defense against the evils of society. My ex-girlfriend destroyed me, I was hurt for a few weeks, until I realized that like a phoenix, I will rise above this mess and at least remain stable and social, with those who I perceive are not going to hurt me, though, of course, the potential for them to hurt me still remains. I can only hope that my nightmares don't follow me. I hope the best for you, whatever that may be. Take care.
  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I believe you are in a vicious cycle, for others (family members excluded) will not show you admiration if you don't learn to love something about yourself. It may be a cliché, but it's true. As for the forum buddy, 1) the guy doesn't even know you. For all you know, the reason he started ignoring you has more to do with him than what he thinks of you. There is little reason to dwell on this issue, as he doesn't even know you. Have you ever seen a video about agoraphobia? Many times someone with the mental illness is shown being led out of their house, one step at a time? Their face may be filled partially with fear, but also excitement that they're achieving a major goal. Well, I think that's the way you have to take it, one step at a time. Don't expect to go directly from A to Z. Set goals with yourself. But first make changes to your thinking pattern. For instance, your title is "Just can't make human connections..." No! No matter how much anxiety human connection causes you, do not say you can't do it. You can. But you must get over your fear first.
  6. TwilightKid

    TwilightKid Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what u are talking about and i agree that this situation isnt normal, but its not the reason to kill yourself!!! First of all, i really wanna be your friend!!! And i swear i will not be like that person who left u and didnt even bother to explain the reason why!
    I can really relate to everything u said, i am there right now too. I dont have any friends too and i am lonely just like u. I dont go out, i dont party, i dont call anyone and no one calls me. Heh... doesnt sound normal at all. BUT there is always something u can do. I started writing emails and letters to people i met online and even though they are not as lonely as me, i enjoy the process of writing and receiving letters and emails. Its not even close to having a real friend, but at least u know that someone actually cares for u. It makes your loneliness less painful. I also read a lot of books and i do think it helps a lot. I just see people in the same situation as me (as US!!!) and when i read a story of someone in the 18th century who felt as lonely as we i just think to myself - there were people who were lonely, there are people who are lonely and there will always be people who are lonely. The most important thing is to meet someone who feels the same coz no one who doesnt will not understand u. And now u have me and hopefully other people from this forum!
    I too think that it would be a miracle if someone loved me. But first of all we must make friends with someone and then it may go further. I hope everything is yet to come!
    However the most important thing is that now u are not so lonely anymore - at least u have got one person who can fully relate!:wink:
  7. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    I can empathize a lot with some of the things you said, I suffer from fairly severe social phobia so my situation is pretty similar.
    I often come here and to other forums with the vague hope of some random
    person pm'ing me out of nowhere.
    On the flip side I'm sure there are others around who would like the same thing,
    so why don't I do it? just to see?.. guess I'm just scared of rejection,
    and afraid of being found out for the boring bastard that I am :p
    maybe they are too.
    Wish I had some meaningful advice to give.
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Just reach out and we're here. Some connections you make won't work out(just like the real world, we can't like everyone).
    A lot of us chat on MSN as well as on the forum. Have a go at coming into the
    chat room. A lot of peeps don't say anything in chat for ages, but I guarantee you will meet someone you can relate to there.
  9. Hereforyou

    Hereforyou Active Member

    Nobody, do you have Aol instant messenger? If so give me your scrnname and we can converse back and forth. I'll be your friend :).
  10. I appreciate the people that sent me messages, really. But the last thing I need is people that want to talk to me because they feel sorry for me. I wasn't looking for people to talk to. I just wanted to know if there was anyone out there that knew what it was like... :(
  11. Cestmoi

    Cestmoi Well-Known Member

    I feel I 'm in a very similar situation hence the messages. I am not exactly a nice person.
  12. zebedee

    zebedee Member

    Im also in a very similair zone - I've always been shy and after being hurt a few times over the past few years stopped even trying to Im now up to well over a year since I went out for social reasons and still have very few friends online - the one who I talk to regularly I once stopped talking to for 2 years at least through some idea that I'd be better on my own. I try and be a nice person but I sometimes have difficulty relating to other humans unless I really really try and that takes a lot out of me.

    If it wasnt for forums like this and wrongplanet I'd still be thinking I was the only one like me.

    If anyone else sailing on hms isolation wants to chat shit drop me a pm I have fairly eclectic interests ;)
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