I don't know how to make sense of all the things that I'm going through, I thought I finally got over all these awful, sad, lonely, scary feelings. I've been fighting with myself since I was a kid, but I finally thought I had figured out how to be me and I learned how to get over all the sadness, and for about 2 years everything was ok, and now I'm so overwhelmed with this shit again, and I'm so afraid that I can't pull myself up again from this, or if I even want to.