So I found myself writing my suicide letter three nights ago, it was very odd. Never in a million years did I think that would be me, until 4 months ago I never dreamed I would ever want to take my own life, not even for a second. So I spent a lot of time researching methods I'm sure I'm not the only one. I decided on <Mod Edit-Method>. I thought about things for a while and decided that I don't want people to know it is suicide another reason for <Mod Edit-Methods>. I got rid of the letter and off I went. <Mod Edit, WildCherry> it was a beautiful day sun shining very warm, only a handful of tourists. I walked to the furthest most remote area trying to hide my tears from passerby's along the way. When I reached the end I stood about two foot from the end just close enough so I could see the waves crashing beneath me. It was terrifying, I stood there for a while trying not to think of my family and how they'll miss me. I wept really hard and loud at this point I didn't give a damn who heard me although no one did its a very remote spot. It kills me I can't appreciate places anymore. Anyway Im sure I want to go I know I want to go but when I was standing there I froze I just couldn't do it, I'm so angry with myself I feel like even more of a failure, it could have been over I could have had peace. Why didn't I do it why am I unable to muster up the courage to even do that. The most important thing I'll ever do and I blew it. Has anyone else ever lost the nerve at the last moment. I do intend on going back and I will as many times as it takes but I will leave this earth. Just give me the strength. Sorry for the length, this has all just been a bit over whelming.