I've posted here before, but I walked away hoping things would get better. They have not. My father died unexpectedly and my mother has gone back to the woman I used to hate. She is terminal with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. She makes my life a living hell. I was a caregiver for my father and her, now just her. I don't want to care for her anymore, as awful as that sounds. She dislikes the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with. He said something she dislikes and she's been raving for days. I made him a plate of leftovers today so they do not get thrown out (it's a waste of money) and she threw a burrito I bought her this morning AT me. She cursed me, and I'm shattered. I am looking at the pills my dad left behind. Eight different blood pressure pills, Xanax, I have my own pills, and Tramadol. I have deeply considered taking them tonight and just ending all the pain. She won't have to deal with me or my youngest son anymore (who she obviously resents because he belongs to my other half) and maybe people will be happier. My youngest shows no sign of caring my dad is gone, so he is young enough that I could leave and it would not impact him. My oldest is 10, but he doesn't like me anyways. He blames me for not having his absentee parent in his life, because I chose to keep him away from that abuse. He yells at me, ignores me, treats me like garbage, too. So what's the point of living? What purpose do I serve? I'm getting a Masters in Psychology. Good luck! Suicidal and getting a Psychology degree? Pretty pathetic and sad. I'm overweight, broken to pieces, ugly, stupid, and just a worthless piece of garbage. I'm so sick of living. I'm so sick of waking up every morning and facing myself. I just want to walk away from life, erase myself from existence. Nobody would miss me. Nobody would care. Nobody even bothers with me. I haven't had a "friend" hang out with me in 3 years. It's been longer than that since anybody called or texted me, unless you count friends that are nowhere near my location. So really, who would care? Not a soul. I could fall so deep in this ocean of death that I would just be but one fish with many. The thought of peace this would bring me makes it so hard not to do this. I know I shouldn't, but there's nothing stopping me, either.