I'm not suicidal at the moment, I was seriously contemplating it a few weeks ago, but I think my antidepressants have knocked back the feelings a bit.... just like they have with all feelings. I feel nothing most of the time, I'm sad, but that's it, nothing more, nothing less. I would almost go back to being depressed & suicidal again if it meant I could at least have a range of human emotions. Although I'm not suicidal right now, I'm not exactly "pro-my-life". I've been drinking, alot... I can feel more when I drink.. I laugh, I cry, and it rids me of anxiety. Haven't turned to drugs yet, there's a person in my life that I'm staying away from them for. But I'm doing, or not doing other things. Sometimes I drive without a seat belt, something I never did in the past. I know driving w/o a seat belt isn't the most self destructive thing I can do, but it's not the action, it's the thought behind the action, the lack of concern for my life that's the problem. Suicidal or not, I still don't want to be in this world. I just don't have the balls or the right feelings to take myself out of it. I have the urge to put myself into situations that may do the deed for me. Of all the feelings I don't feel, fear is one of them, so I have no problem walking in a bad neighborhood alone at night. Can anyone make sense of this? Talk sense into me?