I still love her so much and now she tells me that she is going out with someone else, i want to fucking yell at her, wish him numerous illnesses hope that he is a bastard to her, hurts her, like i never would have in a million years, i would have died for her... in 10 days it would have been 2 years now i miss her so much and would give anything to see her again but at the same time dread the idea. i hope it does not last too long, if i have to meet him when i go home... well i'm not sure what i might do. she was the only person i've ever cared about really and now i'll never be able to be with her again, hold her again, it kills me inside to think of it. I just don't know what to do, how can i stop feeling for her, how can se be so FUCKING COLD to get over me so quickly why can't i just yell this at her, make her realise how much she fucking hurting me, i've not cut myself in so long but the sight of the blade is becoming so welcoming, it would be so easy and it would make me feel so much better... please i just don't know what to do right now. why is killing him and then myself seeming like such a good idea... i hope he dies before i meet him, if not literally then maybe that he fucks up the relationship entirely... so many bad feelings from the past are bubbling back to the surface and all i see around me is happiness that i will never feel, potential that i will throw away....what should i do?