Just don't know what to do to be honest...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LenaLunacy, Jul 9, 2009.

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  1. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    My boyfriend and me have been together 10 months last Sunday. But yesterday we had a huge fight about him going away, cos he didn't bother to tell me and just expected me to be ok with it.
    He didn't understand my point at all, he couldn't understand why i was so upset about him going.
    He ended up saying he was starting to feel like i was boxing him in, and "Sometimes i wonder if we can work" which set me off in floods of tears.
    I can't lose him. If i lose him i will kill myself.
    The only reason i haven't just gone and killed myself now is cos of him, but i don't know how much longer i can hold on. I feel so miserable i don't know what to do with myself.
    Meh :sad:
     
  2. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    lena i'm sorry you're feeling so low :hug:
    relationships can be hard and maybe if you just talk to him, have a conversation about how you both feel then things will be ok. he was a bit careless not telling you he was going away - maybe he had a reason? maybe he thought it would be harder to leave if you knew and were sad? just a thought.
    please don't hurt yourself hun, it's not worth it :arms: and if you need to talk i'm here :smile: just PM me any time ok, i mean that :heart:
    how long is he away for? xx
     
  3. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Thanks Laura. :hug:
    When i eventually remembered to ask him why he hadn't told me before he said it was cos he knew i'd react badly to the news. :/
    And then he went on to say that he was feeling torn between his family and me because he wanted to spend as much time as possible with me but his family got annoyed that he wasn't spending time with them too. Which is why he wanted to go away with them.
    I'm not good at dealing on my own though, and i see him like 4 days a week, so for him to go away would really be hard for me.
    I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't understand my point and we both just get really frustrated and argue :(
    I'm trying not to cut, thanks hun, i will if i need to, means a lot.
    He'd only be away for like 4 days or so, and it sounds silly, but then we wouldn't see each other for those 4 days, then when he came back we still wouldn't be able to see each other cos he has to work the next two days, so effectively i wouldn't see him for like a week :/
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Is there anyway you can keep in touch by web computer talk with him that way at least you could see each other and talk Get him to promise to call you also I know it is hard but if you can be supportive of him he will appreciate the strength you show Try setting up a web cam so you can stay in touch okay all the best mary
     
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Lena, no matter what the outcome of this situation you have to know that you'll be ok.
    I've had various girlfriend whom were keeping me alive more or less. They were all that I lived for. I had no identity or reason to live at all except that the other person made me feel good.
    But no matter what happens, you can make it through. Fall back on us, any friends you may have that can get you through, no matter what the outcome.

    I hope things get worked out between you too, but please don't think of the end of a relationship is the end of the world. I've been there, but your life is important too.

    :love: :hug:
     
  6. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    i agree with Spencer hun, you can't pin everything on him, that will just leave you with nothing if it doesn't work out :hug:
    you should be able to understand his need to be with his family just as much as he should understand your need to be with him :smile: it's got to be two ways.
    a week may seem a long time right now but it's not really - you can do other things while he's away and even then, you can still keep in contact by phone or something. it will be fine hun and maybe you can have lunch or something on one of the days he's working.
    :heart: keep strong lovely xx
     
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Have you thought the time apart might be good for you both Lena? Just to show you that you'll be okay and he will be back of course.
    I mean... it's definitely not healthy being so dependant on him hun. It's clear that you love him a lot but it seems your love has formed a dependency and no good can ever come from that. I was really dependent on a friend of mine for a long time and when our friendship ended, I couldn't cope at all. :( But now I know where I went wrong, it's a lot for one person to handle, no matter how much they love you, because all they want is for you to be happy.

    Don't hurt yourself over this, whatever happens! Sounds like he loves you a lot also, but for a couple to really work you do both need to keep a level of independence.
    I bet (as Mary said) if you let him know you support him and will be okay without him he will never keep things like this from you again because he'll know you are strong enough to cope, he will never use the term boxed in again because he won't feel like that at all, and your relationship will just go from strength to strength, no doubt you'll be together another 10 months and another 10 after that if you both give each other a little breathing space.

    You're strong Lena, you can do it.
     
  8. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Lena, I know how much you have been through in the last few years and survived. You are a such a strong person. A week may seem a long time but it will fly by. Instead of thinking how much you will miss D. think of how good it will be when he gets back. Absence can make the heart grow fonder. In the meantime get in touch and we can have a good natter. You how I am always here for you. Lots of love.x
     
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I think one of the problems at the moment is that the time will drag for me, cos if i'm not seeing him i have nothing else to do. I have no friends, my best friend moved to london, and since i left school none of my school friends have bothered to return my messages. So i'm stuck at home day after day. Talking and seeing him are the only highlights in my otherwise dull days.
    I know we both need independance, and i know i've developed a dependancy on him, but i don't know how to wean myself off this dependancy. I need him, all the time, but it's killing us and i don't want that to happen.
    I'm going to take your advice though and arrange times to call and text him lots, and support him in going away, i won't let the relationship fall apart over something as trivial as this.
    Thanks for all your responses guys! :grouphug:
     
  10. nevertheanswer

    nevertheanswer Active Member

    Think of this a moving point - a situation in which you could test whether you can handle new things or not. Seeing your posts here, I know that you are doing your best to have a better outlook in life and this is certainly a test for you.

    Is he leaving permanently? If not, then make a compromise and let him also have some time alone. That will show how much you care for him. Keep the communication window open but don't be afraid to take a step back from time to time.

    Stay strong and Take care. :)
     
  11. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    I was in a relationship where I felt similarly. I was really dependent on him, just not seeing him for a couple days would send me into a spiral of negative emotion and self-destruction at the worst of it. He left for a week to visit a friend, and I was terrified about it. But I made sure that we talked on the phone and texted quite a bit every day, and I did fine (until he got super smashed at a party and his friends took his phone away from him and wouldn't let us talk, but if that didn't happen, I think I would have been fine). Keep in touch. You'll feel better, even if you can't physically be with him, that you can reach out to him with your thoughts and feelings.

    I felt like I might kill myself if we broke up. He dumped me twice - the first time, I went on a drinking and cutting binge and had to leave school for a week, but I survived. The second and final time, I really flipped out again, maybe even worse because I knew he wouldn't come back this time - but I'm alive.

    Anyways, you guys are together :) and I know your situation is completely different. But I thought I'd just let you know I've felt similarly and that I made it through the times he wasn't around even when I thought I couldn't!
     
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