Hello, I’m suicidal, I have an active plan and the means to carry it out. I really am just tired of life. I’m married and am concerned about the impact my suicide will have on my wife. I am all she has. Her family has basically disowned her because they don’t like me. I guess if I’m out of the picture, she could go back to them. I have paranoid schizopherina and major depression. I’m medicated, but its like the medication isn’t working. I try talking to my wife about my suicidal thoughts, but then she starts talking about putting me in a hospital. I’ve attempted suicide 12 times in my life, been hospitalized 9 times for it. So the hospital doesn’t really scare me. Part of me thinks I belong in a hospital at least for a little while. But then my wife says to me, “you don’t want to go in the hospital”. I am so confused. What I really want is to die, but I’m worried about those I would leave behind. Worried what it would do to my wife if I committed suicide. I’m 47 years old. My wife is 28, she has a full life ahead of her yet. I’m tired. Really tired of living. Not getting ahead in life, barely keeping my head above water. I just want to die. I’ve told my therapist about my intentions and he even agrees that going in the hospital wouldn’t be a bad thing for me at this point, but I resisted him. Telling him, “I’m not going to kill myself today”. But I want to. I really want to. I only wish my wife would understand how much pain I’m in right now. Realize what I’m going through. Realize that everything is not about her, and not try to rationalize things in how it affects her. I just want to die, and don’t want to think about it any more. I just want her to understand that I’m in emotional pain right now. I just want to die and not leave any lose ends. Does any of this make sense to anyone? Does anyone understand what I’m going through right now?