Just don't really see the point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cpg_down, Aug 8, 2011.

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  1. cpg_down

    cpg_down Member

    Hello,
    I sort of joined just to see sort of what people's thoughts were about this. I was hospitalized for suicide about 8 months ago. I'm a 30 year old white male with the basic cookie cutter life. OK job, no real relationships, distant from friends and family, etc. After the hospitalization, everyone panicked and I had to go to intense psycho therapy. There is always this sort of "things will get better" mentality. I took that to heart which kept me alive up to now.
    Recently, I just feel like life is pointless. I was going to kill myself over some trouble I fell into at work. After I got caught with the suicide plans, I had to work hard to get out of it. Once it was resolved, things just don't really seem better. I look ahead the next 30-40 years of my life and just figure that there really isn't much of a point.
    I'm not depressed about being single, though it doesn't help having a therapist and just society in general pushing it on you. I am overweight and not that attractive (short and balding). I've tried to lose the weight, but it is easy to sabotage yourself.
    For the most part, I just see the next decades of life just as slices of going through the motions. I don't really enjoy spending time with others and I'm not too connected with my family or friends anymore. Other things that interest me just seem too bland to care about. At 30 years, I do feel that I have given this a fair try, and I'm not the typical dramatic teenager. I personally feel that my life is pointless...and I don't care about exiting it at this stage.
    There is so much emphasis on family and love. I've known forever that I never wanted kids, which appears to be a huge motivator for people my age. Additionally, that kills any relationship along with the difficulty of not being that stellar in the looks department. I'm just sort of sick of breathing and putting up with existence. Does anyone else get this way? Do you think it is ok to just quit (i've done the "it'll get better" try already)?

    Later
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi cpg_down,

    I understand all of that; your description of what's going on in your life... I don't know what to say... I wish it weren't that way for you, and that I or one of us could help in some way. :( Sometimes, I feel that life just isn't worth it as well. And yes, the "things will get better" mentality bothers me a lot when I'm down.

    Welcome to SF, though! :welcome: If you want to talk, you're welcome to PM me. Hope you find this site resourceful. :hug:

    All the best,

    Alex
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are so young 30
    You are not a teenager but you have certainly a life ahead of you hun
    I am in my 50 and i feel like you do but i go on so i do not hurt my family
    Is there nothing that interest you hun that you can immerse yourself into that will bring you some joy
    Travel pehaps that way you can meet new people Just know this place is a good place to talk okay to feel you are not so alone hugs
     
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    If you were very handsome (some of my mates are - so I look like the last choice!) you will bed plenty of woman. Just being cute is enough. Sex is seen as a kind of religion in some ways - a 'salvation' - when its an act designed to create families. Now people leave it later in life to have families thinking a career is more important than a family!

    I admit - any woman is best to be independent - and educated woman are a must! No woman ought to let that slide! But - the job - career, its all meant to help you have a family. Its a path leading to that fulfilment which comes from family life.

    But - any woman who accepts you into her bed the night you met her - will accept others also. She will not feel special to you - nor you to her.

    Not even a date and flowers - just back to hers - bang - goodbye, thanks or leave without saying a word. Meet at a bar - and so on.

    IF you meet the right woman - you will likely want want to get her pregnant - I used to be like you and pretend sex was brilliant as long as there was no emotional connection. Of course, if you have depression you avoid emotional attachment to hide your own issues.

    You say you want a relationship - and if your thirty - you could find a younger woman because it usually works better that better. Usually. It can go the other way. Love has no rules really.

    A 25 year woman would be in the height of her fertile years - and if you fell in love - and she got pregnant - I think you'd like to keep it. Any man would - I mean a real man who would accept his role.

    As for looks - I bet your better looking than me - but I know that maybe 10% of woman have their heads together and would choose me - not for looks - but because I'm pretty confident and on a good night I always feel like I get some attention - even if it is from women who give attention to any male with a pulse. Nice woman who are intelligent - THAT was the kind of woman I should have just insisted on instead of competing with the lads to be able to say "I got laid last night". I got mates who think setting me up with ANY woman is a big favour. They find women in pubs for me - and edge me into contact when I'm drunk and so on.

    I'm Fun to be with - which is better than hanging out with an handsome but boring guy coked up and telling us about work issues. I'm a radical guy! And why not? I mean, if your competing with other males - you need something. Wit, intelligence, sensitivity, a good conversationalist - even a practical joker - you know, pulling a fake mouse out or something? I once walked around a party with a uncooked sausage hanging somewhere. Admittedly, I was rocking and reeling that-a-night. OK - it was funny in the sense of what an 11 yr old would find funny - but loosen up a little - we all like to act childish and its best acting a bit silly. It was a great laugh. People still remember it and smile. Maybe a good one for my eulogy when I die aged 112 on a parachute jump.

    And, as the old song goes "you can't tell the difference after dark"

    I mean, with looks. Right?

    Good luck bro - think about a family as THEY will be the ones who care for you in your old age. Don't fall for the propaganda society dishes out about family being wrong - and insist on some romance, - actually as a man you are the one who can make that clear right away when you meet a nice woman. A relationship sounds - a bit weak - falling in love is what you want - I have a relationship with my postman, milkman, the caretaker, gardeners, other workers.

    The government does not give a **** about us

    Professionals also

    Family is a foundation stone of life.

    Maybe we can go out to a few bars someday brother.

    I'll show the 10% of woman worth bothering with and how to spot them.

    You want to court and romance a woman - find one who 'resists' - one who actually wants an emotional attachment before you turn the bedroom into an adventure playground.:smile:

    If you did not want children - trust me - you'd not be attracted to woman.

    Hope this helps.

    Glad you work as this helps.

    Good luck!

    Regards. PLG
     
  5. cpg_down

    cpg_down Member

    Hello,
    Thanks for the boost. It is a little encouraging. I know 30 seems like a weird age, being in the middle of the road and all. I don't feel as though it is too young to end my own life, it just feels like enough is enough. Teenagers have the whole college experience or what-have you coming up, which is a life changer. But at this point, all that has passed. For now, it just seems hopeless with the depression winning. I'm reading a book about suicide that states you don't really know what your future is. The argument being, stick around and find out.
    However, that does seem like a weak endorsement to me. If we are in charge of our own destinies, I don't see much being different in the next 30-odd years or so to really stick around. I find myself dwelling on if I had blown my brains out, perhaps it would have been the right choice for me in the long run.
    I don't think I was clear in my last post. Not being in a relationship is not too big a deal to me, as being a realist lets me see that that isn't much of a possibility. It would just help to know that some people are happy living asexual lives. They can be satisfied being themselves, independent, without being 'players' at the same time. I see myself as that sort of person, but being force fed life expectations of family through the media and every single trip to the super market.
    Is happiness achievable with my current life choices? I'm leaning towards no, which pushes me further to wish my existence would fade. Has anyone achieved this solo happiness and if so, how?
     
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