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Just drifting...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by stillwaiting, Feb 23, 2009.

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  1. stillwaiting

    stillwaiting New Member

    I'm a 23 year old male.

    I have no good reason for being depressed. I'm healthy, I'm not bad looking, my parents are married, I have a good job, I've graduated college, I've never been abused...

    But I'm not happy... and I feel guilty about it but I can't seem to change it.

    I actually just a very gloomy person but lately it's gotten worse.

    There are things in life that make me sad. All the friends I've had since I was 13 either moved away or I've moved away from. Four more moved away last year alone. I've also never had a serious relationship and given that I'm posting here I'm not even sure if I'm capable of having one. People don't really get me. And I don't mean that in some kind of emo sense. I just mean I come to find out people frequently misunderstand the things I say and get all these funny ideas about me. I guess I'm not a very good communicator? Still, I wouldn't say any of these things are the primary source of my depression.

    But, I've been contemplating suicide lately. Nothing dramatic. I don't have a list of people who I want to tell off in a note... I'm not even sure I'd write a note. I was debating it. I was thinking that if I didn't write one some people might think of minor ways they wronged me and wonder if this was somehow their fault and that made me feel kind of bad. Especially if it were my parents, mostly my mom... but then I realized it's pretty silly to think any note is going to console a mother grieving over the loss of her son. So then I came up with this grand plan to "move away" or whatever and then no one would ever be sure what happened to me.


    Heh having such detailed plans seems somewhat comical to me.

    I have considered antidepressants but I'm afraid of the side effects. I'm worried I'll lose my ability to think straight, or that I'll be permanently affected in some negative way that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. :p

    I'm rambling... perhaps someone else has found themselves in a similar place?
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. i am glad you reached out here. i can't diagnose you. sounds like depression, and you can be depressed even with good parents and a nice life (like me....) here, you can find a lot of understanding and supportive people. and good friends.

    i have been urged to go on anti-depressants. like you - i am really concerned about the side effects. supposed to go tomorrow. . . but not sure, if i'll go thru with it or not. there are some anti-d's with less effects, have you done any research?? pm if you want to chat about that. i'm still doing research but i have picked one . . .
    pm me if you want to talk - and there are many others here too. we all care about you xxx (((hugs))))
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Stillwaiting,
    Welcome to the forum!! You have definitely come to the right place if it is friends you need and support. The members here are genuinely concerned about each other and always ready to listen.
    If you prefer one on one conversation you can PM any of us and we will get back to you!!Take care!!
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