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Just Existing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aerial, Oct 20, 2009.

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  1. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    I get this feeling often, like I am just existing and not really living. When this feeling occurs, I don't fear death so much. It doesn't feel so bad to just let go and let life go on without me - to feel like the struggle finally can end and I can be at peace.

    I feel like this when I get overwhelmed, when all of my loose ends seem like they'll forever be undefined. I think why does does life have to be so difficult where everything is a struggle to survive and live in peace. Maybe we human beings are too fucking intelligent for our own good. We think too much. Maybe if we were simpler as beings like other species, we'd be happier and easier to please.

    Right now, I'm feeling like I am just existing and not living.

    Perhaps life would be easier if I gave myself up to a monastery or something, some place where I'd be away from the complexity and the fragmentation of an industrialized society. There are too many standards to live up to.

    House ownership, marriage or good relationship, friends, family life, good money, successful career, good looks, life purpose. All of these are just a few of the major life components that I feel a pressure to define and make good. Don't feel like I am succeeding in many of these and it sucks.

    I think I just suck at functioning, like I never got the memo on how to be a functional adult. It's hard to feel like I ever will know how.
  2. kemistry

    kemistry Well-Known Member

    Yeh, some day I just exist as well, seems like a lot of those days recently.
    And you are right, over thinking is usually what done me in most of the time, I wish there's a chill-out button to press everytime my mood swing.

    These two lines are from a George Harrision's song:
    "And the time will come when you see we're all water,
    Life flows on within you and without you"
    Yep, life goes on whether we are existing or living.. I've learned to be patient with myself.. Some day that helps, some other day not really.

    But it's okay, life goes on, existing or living I'd like to think that i'll keep on fighting until the end.
  3. joydiv

    joydiv Member

  4. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

  5. sucidalgirl99

    sucidalgirl99 Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way.
  6. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    I feel that way every day. Existing but not living. Going through the motions. Functioning. Putting on the happy face so that no one see the pain & despair underneath.
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