I am actually doing well except for chronic loneliness, I wish I had irl friends, they either are gossipers, users, or live too far away. I'm sick of spending every weekend cooped up in my bedroom alone. I am suffering from bad anxiety, so bad that I will regret posting this later. I think what is wrong is I never got to see my counsellor this week (he had an emergency) but will see him on Tuesday, I'd love to 1) get absolutely drunk out of my mind but that is bad for me so not an option 2) fly to england and that a new life there, impossible again. I don't know what to do Will be working more next month (or month after) whenever things are finalised, I can finally get off disability and work for a living, have not paid taxes since I was 21 (worked from 2004-2010) and I feel guilty for it. I was only cleaning but a job is a job and a start is a start. At least I'm working part time now. But back to how I am feeling, I am desperately lonely and would love an irl friend that likes me for me. Fuck it. Not going to happen, might as well just get used to being a loner. A freak. Someone no one wants to be around cos they think I am crazy. Well I am so get the fuck over it. Don't call me normal please.