Just fed up, feeling incredibly lonely

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Petal, Sep 11, 2016.

  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am actually doing well except for chronic loneliness, I wish I had irl friends, they either are gossipers, users, or live too far away. I'm sick of spending every weekend cooped up in my bedroom alone. I am suffering from bad anxiety, so bad that I will regret posting this later. I think what is wrong is I never got to see my counsellor this week (he had an emergency) but will see him on Tuesday, I'd love to 1) get absolutely drunk out of my mind but that is bad for me so not an option 2) fly to england and that a new life there, impossible again.

    I don't know what to do :(

    Will be working more next month (or month after) whenever things are finalised, I can finally get off disability and work for a living, have not paid taxes since I was 21 (worked from 2004-2010) and I feel guilty for it. I was only cleaning but a job is a job and a start is a start. At least I'm working part time now.

    But back to how I am feeling, I am desperately lonely and would love an irl friend that likes me for me. Fuck it. Not going to happen, might as well just get used to being a loner. A freak. Someone no one wants to be around cos they think I am crazy. Well I am so get the fuck over it. Don't call me normal please.
     
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  2. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Well what is normal anyway actually? You are unique, since you are you. And you are okay as you are. :)
    Sorry to hear about your counsellor, but at least you'll see him soon. And yeah, drinking won't really help, so don't do it at least.

    Glad to hear that you'll be working more and get off disability. And don't feel guilty about it, I mean lots of people haven't. I know it doesn't justify it, but still.. No need to feel guilty for it and such.
    It might happen, you'll find one some day. And well otherwise there's people on here that likes you for you. I know it's not the exact same as irl friends, but maybe you'll meet one of them or so one day.
     
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  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Petal,
    I remember how disappointed and angry you were when your counselor had to cancel. That really could be a big part of it. I really hope you can make some real life friends, maybe at your job? You know me, I'm a hermit and love it so it's not easy to relate, but obviously you feel lonely and I'm sorry for that. :(
     
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  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks so much @Dikta I do not believe in normal either, thanks for the compliment.
    Just feeling so down and alone. I'm not depressed, just anxious and friendless.
    I do have hope to cling onto because while I am alive there is always hope.
    Thank you so much for being there or me. I do appreciate it.
    I know there are peope here that like me for me and I am very grateful to them.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    my part time job right now is a hermits job, cleaning bar when empty and making food. My full time job when the place opens and will be cooking and I will be working with an 18 y/o girl. But because my anxiety Im glad I won't have to see anyone else at the same time, its a catch 22 lol
     
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  6. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I know that feeling...I wanted to go back to work years ago so I volunteered at a local library, I wanted to have some friends back then but even one other person in a library (imagine?) stressed me out...I swear, the best friends I've ever had are my dogs.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Wow! I do not feel so alone now, thanks for your input. I have volunteered at three different places in the past and got on very well at all of them so I know what it's like. Can be stressful but need to get the anxiety under control.
     
  8. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    You are welcome!
    Well I know the feeling, although usually it's just thoughts. Like overthinking. At least in my case. And yeah, you can at least write with people here, to feel less friendless. Although I know it's not the same as irl friends still.
    And I'm glad to hear you have hope! It's always good to have.
    And it's good that you know that there's people here for you at least, and that cares. :)

    And yeah, sorry if the rest of the text wasn't to me, just felt like I had to answer it at least :)
     
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  9. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Depression is one thing but anxiety I despise. I have such a hard time when it rears its ugly head. Why not just cup your hands over your eyes, breathe deeply and think of something really funny. Sometimes that works like a charm for me.
     
    Petal likes this.
  10. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    I am so very sorry you are feeling so alone hun. You are not a freak or crazy. It is my hope that you can find good friends when you start your new job, you deserve only the best. If I could be there I would be your for real friend. I don't ask for much....just a should to cry on once in awhile. :hug
     
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  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thank you so much. I KNOW there is hope . I just have to change some aspects of my life. Get myself out there and do things and enjoy myself, I know I can do it this thread was just a rant about how hard it is. It's awesome I have people here to support and listen too. God sent :) I will make friends, I just have to give it time and effort!
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thank you Clara, I don't think I will make new friends as I will be working in a kitchen but anyway have to get out and about and meet new people. Thanks for being there for me :)
     
  13. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Yeah, that's true. Sometimes it can be easier said than done, but it is possible at least. :)
    And I'm sure you'll also find some nice friends irl too. :) And well yeah, at least people here will listen and help when you need to rant or vent.
     
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  14. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    I will be there for you for as long as you will have me or as long as I'm around. :)
     
  15. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry you are going through that. As an outsider. The black sheep of the family. The one no one wants to try to talk with IRL due to it being an inconvenience for them, I understand to some degree and can say it does suck major time. The only talking IRL was due to communication with people at work. I'm left alone at work often left to my own devices and cannot find a job elsewhere. Basically sucks being stuck however a glimmer of hope keeps us going. The internet.
     
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  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am also the black sheep of the family. It hurts a lot, i'm the ''crazy'' one. As the title says, i'm incredibly lonely. My sister just went to the pharmacy and shops with me, that felt nice just to have someone with me who really does care:)
    I'm also fed up, have been getting migraines for days and the are debilitating. So exhausted, oh well, that is life. Thanks for your response.
     
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  17. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I'm sorry to hear that both of you are the black sheep of your families. I've been told I was too. @DrownedFishOnFire and @Petal.

    But it's good to hear you had a good time with your sister. :)
    and have you always had migraines or may it be due to not enough water, stressing etc?
     
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  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thank hun. I am not used to migraines no, but I just drank 6 bottles of water and now it is gone yay, guess it was dehydration and sinuses playing up too.

    May I ask why you feel like the black sheep of your family too?

    You seem like a really nice and caring person, I would love to have you as an IRL friend!!
     
  19. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Well that's good to hear at least!

    And well I've just always been kinda different in the way I act, see things and once for how I dressed. So people called me black sheep, I think mostly as a joke, but it still hurt a bit.

    Aaw, thank you! You seem like a nice and caring person too! :)
     
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  20. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Glad its better for you Petal
     
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