I'm not even sure what to rant about, could do it about last carnaval, my drunk escapade... Perhaps about my drug-habits which keep getting worse and worse... Perhaps about the good things, never ranted about those before... Or all three, while I'm at it. These rants will be aimed at me, don't take anything personal, bla di bla. Carnaval First off, I'd like to apologise again towards all parties involved in this story... I'll probably keep apologising for a while, until I don't feel bad about it anymore... And I still feel just as bad as I did the moment I found out that I did it. Now, to continue my rant. Damn... Why? Why? Why the fuck? Took you quite a few years of sexual frustration to be such an asshat, huh? And can you even recall what happened all the other times that you were drunk off your face? No, you can't. You pathetic dipshit. You could've done things far worse, how could you have lived with yourself? Even this, something relatively small is wrecking you, it leaves you afraid and shattered. Can you even look her in the eyes? You couldn't even before this, how are you ever supposed to now? Your natural aptitude to messing things up is astounding. Still each time I think about it, I cringe, I fold in two and feel like I did back then... Feel like crushing my fists on a tree, until the bark is coloured blood-red... I'm blocking rays of sun, just before they hit the clouds. Drugs Well, I'll commend you on fucking up so badly. You've been sitting silently on the sides when they discuss who's the biggest junkie, you know the answer, don't you? They all think it's N., T. or R. ... It's you and you know it. You already realise it's wrong, see all the bad side effects it has on you... You even know how good it feels to be sober for a longer period... Why don't you begin..? WHY THE HELL NOT?! I remember you saying those words, with pride. What is left of that pride?! Nothing! That's what. Go ahead, nobody cares anyway, you'll be the only one to feel that pain. Toke it up, enjoy. See how long you can still live with yourself. Good things Burn all that is good and true. That is all that I have to say about that. What have you done to deserve anything good that you've got? The good times, you don't even deserve those. It's all your doing, waiting for better things to come. Sure, you go to theraphy now, sure you've been trying to get closer to people... But, let's be honest, what have you really done? Well? I'm waiting. Not much, huh? You've just been sailling along as you always do. Simplistic piece of shit. I don't even want to talk to you anymore... You can't even actually be there for the people that do need you... Sad... LoD.