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just feel like screaming.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by hatelife, Nov 20, 2006.

  1. hatelife

    hatelife Active Member

    i am sorry but why is the world the way it is. lucky for me i do have a small group of friends but the frustration they are causing me is pushing me back towards breaking point. i know i have no reason to complain cos i know they care about me which is good cos i need people to care. sorry i doubt if this is going to make any sense but right now i have one mate which are saying i love you and i miss hanging out but right now i can not deal with all your stuff, ur putting to much stress on me and hes always fighting with his partner. but like hey he and his partner have this open relationship were its ok for them to kiss other people. like that is still cheating. his partner is the person my ex went up and kissed while still with me but he was on drugs so i was expected to say no prob, i did but only cos that same night the chick said to me she wanted a kiss and i was like ok thinking a kiss on the cheek but no it was a proper kiss but not that long so i could not really get up my ex.

    then theres my ex who wants nothing to do with me but if i try to od or i go out and get drunk he is more then willing to go and tell my mates, its like i ask him not to but he does it anyway. i keep getting told he still cares but if that was so then why not come and talk to me. when he turns to one of my mates then she and i end up in a fight. and her, dont get me started, it like i keep putting her through all this crap but yet if i dont tell her whats going on im the worse person in the world, when i tell her then im being self centered. im am expected to be there dealing with all her stuff when i can bearly deal with my stuff.

    my ex wants me in a psyche ward but the perfessionals are like i dont need to be there. iv managed to take a step forward, iv come to realise that dieing is not the way out and cutting is the last thing, i have not cut since wednesday but now i think why bother trying to sort my life out, i can never do any thing right according to people who apparently cares and its like im not allowed to move on from my mistakes. so what if i did not tell half my mates i was in hospital again, its my problems and dont need them yelling at me for doing it. like i never said anything cos i knew the stress i put them through a week before hand and could not bring myself to do it again but of course my ex was there to open his big mouth.

    its like part of me feels that he is doing this to see me break again so that the docs will put me in a psyche ward so that he can then finally feel like he does not have to deal with me and can say how his ex was out in a psyche ward. dont get me wrong i have no probs going in one, i even asked for his help to get into one last week cos i felt like dieing again but did he help no, he choose to ignore my plea for help.:huh:

    im sorry for blabbing on but if i hear one more person say my ex still cares i think i will scream so loud it breaks windows. sorry for letting this all out.
  2. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    It is really good to just let it all out sometimes though. I so know how you feel. It's really cool you've haven't cut since Wednesday! You know if you ever just need anyone to talk to, I'm here... that sounds kind of weird, but I guess I kind of live to help people. During the summer, it felt as if I was all alone, none of my "friends" helped me when I was in total despair and my boyfriend was too high to care... fortunately he went to treatment and is going to the drug classes and I feel like I can talk to him now... If you ever need anyone to just listen and give advice I'm here. Best of Luck!
  3. hatelife

    hatelife Active Member

    thanks, its strange that i can come onto a web site and dont feel like im judged but in the real world it is nothing but judgement from people who are suppose to care. why is it a bunsh of people who you have never met in person can be more understanding, it is so great to know people out there can care
  4. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    I feel like I'm judged everywhere I go. What I really hate about this forum is that when I need advice no one answers and I still feel hopelessly alone. I'm trying really hard to make new friends, it's just hard for me because I'm extremely shy. I hate that I am, but it's hard to break out of my little shell. I hope things get better for you and I hope that when you need someone to talk to you take up my offer! Best of Luck!
  5. hatelife

    hatelife Active Member

    im the same except not shy, i speak my mind which is what gets me in trouble, trying to find people who i might be able to get along wit who may have a better chance of understanding me cos the people i am around dail dont, its got so bad that i am considering moving to another place next year for a feash start. Pm me anytime, i just dont like replying to much on this site cos im afraid of saying the wrong thing.