It's the new year and nothing has changed of course. I'm not any more happier or motivated than I was in November. I did good during christmas. I like the Christmas season. Cleaning, baking, decorating, shopping, wrapping and the time with family all suits me perfectly. Unfortunately that time is over and I am expected by my family to go out and get a job. I have two sisters, who are younger than me, and they both have jobs. One works at a movie theatre and gets into all movies free, and the other works at a movie rental place and gets unlimited free movie and game rentals. I used to love watching movies but since this depression has kicked in high gear in the past year and a half, I don't like watching movies or TV anymore. It makes me even more depressed. Then there are my parents. They both have jobs of course but neither of them spend any time cleaning or doing housework. Isn't the husband supposed to look after the fixing, replacing, installing portion of maintaining a home and the wife looks after the cooking and cleaning, while the children do their homework and chores?? I know it is a bit old fashioned, but that's how it works in my friends homes growing up. My home has never been like that and as a result we live in a dump. So, lately I have taken over cleaning and maintaining the house the best I can, but it's not good enough. They still want me to get a job, do all their dishes, do laundry and vacumn and make sure the kitchen and family room is clean enough to live in. Imagine living with 4 other people and none of them clean up after themselves. We don't eat around the kitchen table, we don't even have enough seats to sit around the kitchen table. We eat in our bedrooms or in front of the TV or at the computer. We don't eat meals, we all look after our own hunger. We cook for ourselves when we are hungry and thats that. Then they leave their plates, cups, bowls, u name it, wherever. They can't even bring it into the kitchen, let alone put it into the dishwasher. And, my mom is the worst!! I beg them to do it but they don't so every day I have to go around the house, into all of their separate bedrooms and clean up after them. Since I have taken on this responsibility a year ago thinking it will help with my depresstion, they now all take it for granted and expect me to do it. If I do get a job I will quit doing this extra chore that I do and all hell will break loose. And that is the most aggrivating thing I have to put up with. There is a lot more where that came from. The second most aggrivating thing in my life is my father. He is an alcoholic and drinks on a nightly basis. I love him and I hate saying this about him but after he has been drinking he is literally good for nothing. I am just thankful that he doesn't hit us. There is abuse, just not sexual or physical, which unfortunately comes with most alcoholics. It's mental and physical abuse, says myself, my doctor and my therapist... and my mom's lawer. After about 10:00pm he starts talking and doesn't stop until either he or we go to bed. He picks fights with my mom the most but if I'm there he'll start saying shit to get me mad. Then there is the yelling. Well, that's that. It feels good to vent. I hope I can delete this later.