I've tried to kill myself before...and it would have worked had my wife not noticed the attempt and gotten me help. I just feel so hopeless now...I've tried so many different medications, so many different forms of therapy, and none of it seems to help. A lot of it goes back to watching my friend die in front of me as I was trying to save him...I just feel like he had so much potential...it should have been me that died that day, not him. The only thing that seems to keep me on any steady footing is how my wife and children would feel if I actually took that final step...but I just want out. I've suffered so much...disabled at 23, watching my wife break her back to keep our family above water, watching her work endless hours and be so tired. I feel like I've failed my family, just like I failed my friend, and that I'm nothing but a useless lump of cancer on society. I just want it all to finally be over, I just want the blessed release of nothingness. I don't know why I'm posting on here....I just need to let it all out. I usually lock everything up inside, deep and dark, until it finally explodes in disastrous ways. I know I can talk to my wife about anything...but I just can't bring myself to unload another burden onto her already over-burdened shoulders.