I've tried to kill myself before...and it would have worked had my wife not noticed the attempt and gotten me help. I just feel so hopeless now...I've tried so many different medications, so many different forms of therapy, and none of it seems to help. A lot of it goes back to watching my friend die in front of me as I was trying to save him...I just feel like he had so much potential...it should have been me that died that day, not him. The only thing that seems to keep me on any steady footing is how my wife and children would feel if I actually took that final step...but I just want out. I've suffered so much...disabled at 23, watching my wife break her back to keep our family above water, watching her work endless hours and be so tired. I feel like I've failed my family, just like I failed my friend, and that I'm nothing but a useless lump of cancer on society. I just want it all to finally be over, I just want the blessed release of nothingness. I don't know why I'm posting on here....I just need to let it all out. I usually lock everything up inside, deep and dark, until it finally explodes in disastrous ways. I know I can talk to my wife about anything...but I just can't bring myself to unload another burden onto her already over-burdened shoulders.
Just Feel So Helpless...
- Thread starter Sulpher_Skin
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I for one am glad you have released all this pain and suffering here. I truly understand the need to let go but i too cannot bring pain to my family i know the devastation of suicide on a family and i can do that to my family We have to take each day and just get through it okay be grateful for what is what we have and acknowledge we can only do what we can because of our illness. With help we can do more some days hold on okay here iwth us. Vent awayt he sadness and pain here where people will understand and will care.
Im sorry your feeling this way. I can understand how you feel like your failing your family but your not. Do you realize just being there for your children is a huge thing in this life. I can tell you for sure that your children love you and need you, growing up without a father myself, I cant express how much it means to them for you to be there, to show them you care, to give them hugs, to hold them when they cry, just to be able to say My daddy is doing this or my daddy says this.
What does your wife say, I bet she says she loves you and that your a team and if one is down the other picks up the slack. Thats what family does. Is there anyway you can make money on the side to contribute? Your wife needs you, shes working this hard for you to be together, dont let her down. Let her know what your feeling, she probably already feels something is wrong and you holding it in, shes guessing at what it is. And believe me us woman can come up with somethings that is way out there, lol.
Does your disability keep you from helping around the house? I know when my H cleans the toilet or washes a load of laundry its almost better than sex, almost.
Do the kids go to school? Are you home alone alot during the day?
Welcome to SF, I hope you continue to open up and let it all out.
What does your wife say, I bet she says she loves you and that your a team and if one is down the other picks up the slack. Thats what family does. Is there anyway you can make money on the side to contribute? Your wife needs you, shes working this hard for you to be together, dont let her down. Let her know what your feeling, she probably already feels something is wrong and you holding it in, shes guessing at what it is. And believe me us woman can come up with somethings that is way out there, lol.
Does your disability keep you from helping around the house? I know when my H cleans the toilet or washes a load of laundry its almost better than sex, almost.
Do the kids go to school? Are you home alone alot during the day?
Welcome to SF, I hope you continue to open up and let it all out.
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