just finding someone new advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by cole624, Jun 15, 2014.

  1. cole624

    cole624 Member

    so i already posted my sob story so i wont go through all the details, but heres what you need to know right now: i have had one serious relationship which lasted a little more than 3 years, started when i 14 ended near my 18th birthday, im 20 next week, still not over her in the slightest, but she is over me and i need to respect that. so that being said i have 3 options live my life in misery like i have been, hate her as much as i love her now, or find someone new in hopes it will work out. i cant really keep going like i have been, it is literally killing me so unless i end it all (which has definitely been on my mind and doesnt sound half bad), that rules out option 1
    option 2 is i could hate her. this would make some of the hurt go away, give me somebody to cast all my problems on ect. however, this woman saved my life. she was (and still is) the most important person in my life, and hating her would probably be the lowest thing to do
    option 3 is to find a new girl, however there are a few problems with this as well. 1-girls simply arent attracted to me 2-i dont know where to even look (cant go to bars, tried the online thing it did not workout) and 3 if things do workout how will i be able to say i love you with all my heart when my heart belongs to someone else how can i have a child and every time i look at him/her think that they should have had a different mother. and just a heads up, the last thing i want to hear is maybe i should just wait and let my heart heal. it's been going on 3 YEARS!!! time has done nothing but make the hurt deeper.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps finding a new love will be a stronger love you won't know until you find that someone new. It will be a different love but it can be as strong or even stronger and if that is the case then the memories of your last one will fade and be replaced with your new love Many of us go through different partners in our life time it is a part of growing and learning
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I think you need to at least try and move on, how do you know that if you found someone else and fall in love all over again that you will still love your ex. I think the answer to that question is you won't know until you do it. Often when you ''look'' for love you won't find it but let it find you. You can't go to bars, that doesn't mean much...you can join clubs/hobbies (there's a lot in that category to choose from. Try volunteering for something that is meaningful to you.... good luck x
  4. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I know how hard it is to get over someone you had a serious relationship with. For me that one was just 2 months long, but I'm still not really over him although he left me one and a half years ago and I have a new boyfriend I've been with for almost a year now. Sometimes another partner doesn't make everything go away, but, as eclipse already said, the memories fade and are replaced by new ones, better ones. Trust me, I didn't ever think anyone could like or even love me, but somehow I found someone special, and I think you will, too. Just be friendly and open, start talking to some girl on the bus or so, maybe just ask her if she could tell you what time it is or something like that. At school it was all easier to get to talk to someone, huh? Don't let that bring you down, I'm sure you're a nice person, it's always the nice people that are sad, but you can find someone, I'm sure you will :)