Just for the F of it

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Dec 26, 2011.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I want to scream like a spoiled child, I want to punch walls and rip down curtains and act completely inappropriately.

    But it might make me feel better :(
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Its OK. I think we all feel like that sometimes.

    Try smashing ice cubes with a hammer.
     
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Ummm... not possible.

    But I can hide and cut. Trying not to, obv.
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Tell us/me the thoughts that make you want to cut?
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I can't verbalize.

    Take care.
     
  6. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Are you sure? Please be careful whatever you do.
     
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yeah but who cares? like seriously? In all reality? And thats not my point. I'm just me, the same me I've always been. I can't change what I was molded into by whatever during my time on earth. I am worth no more than my own opinion of myself which is pretty lowly.

    and its been over two months since the last time. I've done good. But I think, now, things are building and I can't get a release any other way. Its funny to me in a very sad way.

    So yeah okay, time to hush.
     
  8. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I care. And I understand. It's a safety valve. The decision is yours.
    I have a high opinion of you by the way, but I know that will not matter.
     
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Windlepoons

    Thank you - your thoughts & opinions matter. I did not wish to disregard them, if you felt that way - I am sorry.

    I need to be ignored when like this. I feel I'm falling a bit back to the vicious cycle of stuff.

    You take care.
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    me too Mo! me too!
    (hugs)
     
  11. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I do not feel disregarded, I feel a little helpless as you have helped me many times.
    It seems to me this is not a time to be ignored. Unfortunately I am going to be away for a day or so, sorry about that.
     
  12. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Enjoy your time away.
     
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Selfishly, as I am a selfish person, I need to get some of this out.

    Its a bad day. I'm not sure why or how it all started. I've been iffy for a couple of days but today takes the biscuit. I feel strange as in odd. Is it having Christmas day over? Is it just me being over sensitive?

    Its hard to describe. I'm sad, yes. But this is more like an intense painful feeling without physical pain.

    I want to contact my therapist, but what can they do? So whats the point. There is no one else I'd contact about feeling this way, because I can't accurately describe whatever it is.

    I don't know if this even makes sense. I know I'm here but I feel as though I'm not, like I'm floating, not in my body.

    I don't know, I just don't know.
     
  14. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    ********
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 28, 2011
  15. Avva

    Avva Member

    If you have the urge to contact your therapist, please do so. Then at least you're reaching out.

    I love your avatar by the way.
     
  16. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    (( (( ((Mo)) )) )) You are not a selfish person, you just have much, much more than your fair share of pain. It's not even remotely fair, and it's absolutely not your fault. And the body reacts to emotional pain in many different and profound ways. I too have experienced that "floating", "not all there" feeling. It's only natural that you require an outlet. When I need to vent and my shrink is unavailable (or I just don't want to see her), if I can afford raw materials, I hammer the shit out of some metal. Or I drive to a forest preserve, turn the music way up and scream and cry my f**king head off. Of course, I'm just as screwed up as any of us are. I know all too well that there's no magic solution, and what works for me may seem silly and pointless to you, but I think that there must be a safe way to vent for each of us. I know it feels good in the moment to cut, but as a friend who truly cares about you, I don't want you to cut because you've already been hurt too much. You are good and more than worthy, and you deserve a way to vent your emotional pain without having to experience physical pain. Sending love, hugs, friendship and healthy energy. I'm here for you and I care, Mo! :console:
     
  17. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Wishing you relief, Mo... I think about you a lot.

    I see what Avva is saying. Your T can be a good listener so you can let more emotions from your pain out, even if you can't pinpoint what has contributed to your plummeting moods.. so I hope you pick up the phone. I think speaking allows some of us to put more emotions behind our words.. the kind that doesn't show up in writing.. Just a thought. :] Take good care, friend. :hug:

    Alex
     
  18. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you Alex, I have yet to make the call. I feel silly and stupid and pathetic doing so.

    You take care also, Sir.

    Thank you zasuart, kickboxing may be in my future if I make it. Mind yourself.
     
  19. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Well I finally made the call, will see if I get a call back today. I hate this. Hate it.
     
  20. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you made the call, ((((Mo)))). I hope it helps. I took a kickboxing class years ago and found it incredibly empowering. I highly recommend it!
    Be well, Sweet Friend. :console: