Just forget...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by non-existent, Oct 16, 2010.

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  1. non-existent

    non-existent Active Member

    I don't know what to say I just need it

    Wish there was a way to inflict pain too strong to still keep thinking for at least 10 minutes better 20 or so...

    I don't find such a thing!!! If I keep cutting for that time I'd be ready for hospital and that is what I don't want or everything will be infected

    Or I keep inflicting 1st degree or less intense burns on large skin areas like the whole arm. Using a hot metal stick slowly pulling it over the skin so it hurts but not so it burns the skin (move fast enough not to burn, slow enough to hurt. Ok this is quite good but it does not seem to be hard enough!!! (Still it may be used as a skill for it really hurts, you can do as long as you please and you don't see anything anymore after some hours, before it's like a not too bad sunburn).

    But that's not strong enough.... I wish there was something much stronger....

    I know I don't earn relief...

    But it would be so much easier if I could just forget for some minutes a day at least....
     
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    What is it that makes you want to hurt yourself? :hug:

    If you don't know why, do you maybe know why you started hurting yourself?
     
  3. non-existent

    non-existent Active Member

    Thank you for your reply...

    Well I said for what reason I wanted to hurt myself... I want to inflict so much pain that it distracts me from everythings else and that way makes me stop thinking and feeling. But this is not possible for a longer period of time with usual methods, so I'm searching for a method to inflict longer-lasting pain without doing too much damage. So I would be able to forget for more than a few seconds (pain while cutting last only as long as I cut, not afterwards, when burning a small area it usually is white and completely numb after the few good seconds).

    It would just make it easier to survive if I could put it all off for at least some minutes every day and instead feel something that (I know that's strange) feels good and relieving and (I admit) makes me some kind of high sometimes.

    I just started experimenting with hot/cold sensation, I read nervous system can be tricked into feeling even extreme pain without real injuries. For example, you take very cold ice cubes in the hand for several minutes, which already it painful, then hold the very cold hand under hot (very warm, not so hot it burns the skin) water - which is extremely painful like your hand was on fire (at least if it was really cold before). I changed the thing so that I take a very cold shower for a longer period of time which already helps (but isn't enough anymore) until the body is numb, and then shower hot instantly after that (it is very painful, at least if you've been under the cold water not only to test whether it is cold or warm, I stay until the cold water feels neutral or warm).

    I won't hurt in a visible way, I promised that (to myself), for I want to get my good reputation back... Cutting was just a stupid phase, at least it shall look like that.
     
  4. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Have you ever tried meditating?? It might be useful to you to clear your mind and focus on such a thing like a happy place.
     
  5. non-existent

    non-existent Active Member

    Thank you for your reply...

    I have tried something similar, but I can neither focus nor relax. Falling asleep is like getting unconscious of exhaustion, and I can never let go.

    But still thank you.
     
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