Just Friends

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Bigman2232, Nov 8, 2007.

  1. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    First, I hope this is the right section to post this.

    Ok, so I've be seeing some discussions on living without ever being in love, never having a girlfriend and some on still being a virgin and I just thought I'd bring up another aspect of relationships. That's the just friends relationship that involves being trapped in the "friends zone"

    For those who don't know what the friends zone is, I'll give a brief description. The friends zone is when a girl sees a guy as a close friend and she will never see him as anything other than this. He is now in the situation where he either stays as a good friend or if he can't just stay friends, he ends up leaving and is never really in contact with the girl again.

    I think this is the situation that a lot of "good guys" find themselves in far too often. I know that this is the main problem with me and in many cases, it can worse than never even talking to girls.

    I have been trapped in the friends zone ever since I started to be interested in girls and I am now almost 23. I am naturally shy but when I do talk to people and especially girls, I can be quite confident and well spoken. I've been told I'm funny and sweet and a really great guy. But unfortunately I am only ever seen as a really good friend. The guy that they can talk to about whatever they are having troubles with. In most cases I start friendships with no plan on trying for anything more, but as I get to know certain girls I become interested in them. But they don't see me as anything more than a friend.
    As bad as it is to never interact with a girl cause you're shy or nervous, it is far worse to have a relationship that is as close to an actual girlfriend as you can get and still feel like a loser that no one wants. You know everything there is about this girl but you never get that connection that only comes with being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. And to be told that "any girl would be lucky to have you" or that "I wish the guys I dated were more like you" but still never get the chance to date, literally makes my heart feel like it is tearing apart.

    I just wanted to see what others think of this
     
  2. $MyName

    $MyName Well-Known Member

    I'm the same as you pretty much.... Girls don't view nice guys as relationship material I guess :laugh:

    Being friends zone really can be terrible depending on how much feeling you have for them when you realise, and when girls give the "any girl would be lucky" speech..... It's so wrong, it actually frustrates me to hell.
     
  3. Kayetan

    Kayetan Active Member

    It always seems to me that, despite their claims, women always go for the jock jerks. I'm not interested to begin with, but I've been told the same things, "i wish more men were like you", "you're sweet, and will make a good husband/father", but I'm always "meant" for someone else, I'll get one of those "you're like a brother to me" responses if I a girl that's a friend thinks I want to go further(even though I never do). You always see the jerk with the sweet, caring girlfriend that he doesn't care about. Girls always say they want someone sensitive, kind, and will listen..,,So why do they ignore those guys completely, and head straight for the sleaziest parasites of the world?
     
  4. This is why bad things happen to women, They claim they want to be loved and cared for by a "good" guy, yet when they meet good guys, they decide to only keep them as friends, meanwhile, they end up with guys who treat them like sex toys, then they complain that men are pigs and that there are no good men. Women need to focus on reality and realize that there are plenty of good men they can be with who won't treat them as mere sex toys.
     
  5. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I also hear about guys telling me this, the truth of the matter is (or my opinion) is that you get stuck into these situations yourself. These girls see you as the "friendly guy" they can just talk to and be mates with. And then you get all upset cos they arnt acting more so. You can't force someone to like you, things have to be mutual. Is there one girl you like in particular?
    I've have male friends before, and thats all they are friends. And thats how they act. I'm sure you do the same, you act like a FRIEND. Females arnt mind readers and therefore if your shy and reserved most likely have no idea that you like them in 'that' way. If you want a relationship or whatever then you need to bit the bullet and speak up and show some true feelings. I'd also recommend going for girls out of yous existant group of firneds maybe then you can start out different.
     
  6. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Don't take this as being mean, but that really is the most typical response from people. They think that it's cause I have made myself be only a friend. It's not. I have tested the waters many times and I usually get the "I only see you as a friend/brother speech" or in some cases a complete and utter look of disgust. I have also tried girls that I wouldn't say are especially close friends and it's the same thing. I'm not the type of guy that can just go up to a girl and start blatantly hitting on her. I prefer to actually get to know the girl first cause as much as I want a physical relationship, I don't want only a physical one and I don't want one with someone I can't stand.

    And as much as I know you can't force someone to like you, I find it really hard that in almost 10 years of trying, I haven't found one person who likes me even enough to give me a try as a date.

    I'm assuming you are a girl and if that is the case I want to say something about the guy friends thing. You say you have guys that you see as no more than friends and that they act as no more than friends. This is most likely because of 1 of 4 situations. 1) they are gay and aren't interested, 2) they just haven't reached that stage where they decide that they'd like to be more than friends, 3) they have reached the stage and are either working up the courage or have seen indications that they shouldn't bother and are simply being the good guys they are and not ruining a friendship and 4) you actually have found the all too rare situation where a guy and girl can actually be just friends.

    As for do I have one girl in mind right now, yes I do. We've been friends for 4 years now after meeting up in 1st year of University. I was pretty much having a breakdown and she was the person I could talk to about anything and she could in turn talk to me. We helped each other and became really close, but I didn't really see her as a girl I wanted to date at the time. This was partly because she had a bf at the time and I was focused elsewhere. But she's broken up 2 years ago and we continued to hang out, talk and remain close. We were so close that most of our other friends wondered why I hadn't made a move. But I've done and said things (mostly when I was hammered, gotta love liquid courage) that I'm pretty sure she understood as me being interested and what I get back is a mixed bunch of signals that are 70% never going to happen and 30% maybe.

    I just don't think that it should be the guys responsibility to always have to initiate things. Unless the guy is an ass in the first place I just see guys as being better at turning people down because they will be a nice as possible but will just tell you outright. Most girls I've seen turn down guys have been polite but they make up some "nice" excuse rather than saying exactly why. It ends up hurting more than if they just came out with "you're ugly and I don't want to date you".

    P.S. It doesn't exactly help that I'm not a great looker because when it comes down to it, girls will pick the good looking guy that can fake being a good guy over the less attractive guy how IS the good guy.
     
  7. Kayetan

    Kayetan Active Member

    I've actually never seen that situation. The guy is always a jerk no matter who he's with. I've seen long-lasting relationships through school where the male is downright abusive, yet the girls throw themselves at this type of guy, despite claims of wanting kind, caring, sensitive counterparts. It's all about the looks and bio-chemicals.