just fucking kil me now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by An Angel in Black, Mar 16, 2009.

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  1. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    Im not sur ehhow many peopel know me here still but i havent been hhere in almosr a year. its hard to type caus rim in the middle of an anxiety attack. I just cut myself over and over and over again. on purpose. its all coming back. thwe suicide the cutting the anxiety attacks...everything.
     
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    nahh
    im gonna give you a big hug instead :hug:
     
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Do you visit some sort of a doctor? shrink maybe?
     
  4. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    nope, i went to go see a doctor once but to be honest the medicine he prescribed me was new off the market and the son of a bitch was using me for a test pig so he precribed it to me. It did nothing but make thigns worse as that was the time i pointed the gun to my and tried to overdose as well.
     
  5. sosotired

    sosotired Well-Known Member

    Hiya try some deep breathing and thinking of a location you feel relaxed in i.e a beach. listen to some soothing music at the same time if you want.

    It will hopefully relieve you of some anxiety. Try it.
     
  6. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    I am calmed down a little bit now. I lost it though. I was a total mess of worry and anxiety. It went away for a while, but then again I guess it would if you werent allowed to have feelings wouldnt it? so in all truth and honesty it was always here and never went away. but after not being allowed my own feelings for so long the anxiety too went away. point being everything is coming back, all of my suicidal thoughts, my urges, everything.
     
  7. midnight08

    midnight08 Member

    Sorry your feeling this way
    Anxiety can be horrible ....I have found it helpful talking to a therapist in the past.....they can teach you how to identify whats causing it and teach you how to catch it before it gets out of hand.
    I have been prescribed Valium in the past which helped but its not a long term solution as its very addictive.
    Id try talking to a doctor again ....no one should have to suffer what your going through
    best of luck
     
  8. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    or better yet a good zinfidel. if i got drunk off my sorry ass i dont have to feel like such a piece of shit. and it makes jumping off a fucking cliff a whole lot easier.

     
  9. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    thank you for caring really. i do appreciate it. problem is not that you car, that i dont. . when the universe circles around so fast and yet we remain in still motion without feeling a thing. this is what its like with being a fucking piece of shit like me. everyone walks on top of you without feeling even the slightest bump. they could care less. why should i give a shit i noone else does? more of all i relly should get my nails done! LOL i know, everyone thought i was gay! EVERYONE!! i have been called a freak so many goddamn times i dont care anymore. i just dont give a fuck. i had multiple panic attacks today, all which involved harming of self. now if i was really smart instead of being a dumb shit i would have stabbed myself with a pen or some shit like that instead of sissy cutting. it didnt even hurt, i just sat there cutting. it hurt at first, but theres no point in having feelings if they get taken away. which is the formula of the universe. e=mc2 everything = to cut me or something like that. so hows the weather? appropriate for a funeral? :laugh:
     
  10. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    I remember you. Sorry to hear you're feeling bad again. Want a hug? :arms:
     
  11. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    does that include a knife in the back? LOOOOOOOOL
     
  12. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    No knives. Just hugs. :hug:
     
  13. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Aww sweets!! Sorry just saw this thread. You've been through so much in the last little while. But you came out of it, realizing several things about yourself, good things. You werent the things that were said of you, you didnt deserve the things that were happening and you were strong enough to get out of the situation. And as is typical the high feeling starts to fade a little and the exhaustion of it all lets the bad things start to slip back into our lives ( cutting, drinking the thoughts). But you are strong hun. Look at what you did for yourself and the other person. You stood up and stop what could of been a huge mistake for both of you. So now rest... you deserve it. Take some time just for you. A weekend away or a night of some movies just for you with a huge bag of popcorn and some nasty sodas!!!! You'll see that strength creep back in and you can keep moving forward from where you temporarily had to stop to rest. You are a young man with a very bright future still ahead Angel. And with a little support care and love from the members here you can do this.
     
  14. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    I punished myself again tonight because I deserved it. I was wrong in thinking I could do anything at all without my parents permission, to be myself, to be independant. But I punished myself again tonight to remind me Im bad, it really hurts but I deserved it because of how horrible a person I am. i had a small panic attack about 2 hours ago and am still trying to work through it. Maybe this will teach me, although I doubt it, I might just have to kill myself to be at peace.
     
  15. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Well I'm all sorts of fucked up just like you.. I hope you send me a private message... Because we can get along a lot better when we talk to each other who have the same feelings... Believe me, it's not all blackened... I was in charge of a 12 million dollar store before.. LOL

    So I'm all have been in the money and shit.... which is why I'm not dead.. . Money is nice... :)

    Yeah, write me
     
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