just give me something to hope for or think about

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by preston, Oct 13, 2011.

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  1. preston

    preston New Member

    I can’t help feel that everything I do in life just has no rise or fall. I’m living in a point of inflection. There are people all over the world who would literally kill me to live my life. And yet, I’m so depressed

    I used to convince myself that I was miserable because I am a college student, and as we are told, “to learn is to suffer.” But to be honest, I don’t learn much. All I really do is just sleep and get high.

    I mean, I have friends but I’m sure they only put up with me because ive known them for so long. my roommates think I’m absolutely insane and my parents and siblings are completely oblivious.

    And the saddest part of all this is that I feel so lonely all the time. My major is math and the only reason I chose it was because it was the only subject that required me to put in significant effort. And the reason I wanted to force myself to work hard at a major is because when im focusing on problems I have to forget about my life.

    I’ve never had a girlfriend. I don’t think I’m a bad looking guy, girls flirt with me a lot at parties and I get laid every once and a while. The shitty thing is, despite having sex more than a dozen times in my life I’ve never kissed a girl and felt good about it; it was always just one of those things where it was required to get to the next step. Not to say that i’ve never had a crush on someone. Its just that once I get to know them I don’t like them, or they don’t like me.

    I’ve been heavily considering getting into coke. And I know it could very possibly ruin my life. I feel like I have nothing to live for. As a friend of mine once put it, “you’re [I’m] just a miserable prick who will never be loved because you just don’t have the ability to love. Everyone hates you [me] because all you do is just complain and flaw everything you get your [my] hands on.” And this might sound cruel, but I asked why everyone hated me. I love this guy like a brother and he’s literally taken punches for me and fought for me so I don’t want to read anything negative about that comment.

    What should I do? And don’t take this as just a stupid kid complaining about his life. I really feel the mental need to just not exist, or at least not around others. What would you suggest? Just give me something to hope for or try. Please.
     
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Try an act of random kindness: doing something nice for somebody without having in mind your own self-interest. And see how it feels afterward. What do you have to loose?
     
  3. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    well just reading that post you come across as a very intelligent young man with alot of potential, sometimes when you look in the mirror you go by the perception you have which isnt always accurate and sometimes even blatantly wrong. what i suggest well dont take my suggestion to heart because i have crappy suggestions but if i were you i would start doing some blind dates. or anything that involves women, sometimes when you are in college you get so caught up in your learning that you forget about the joyfull things in life. go out have fun and do something cool like go bungeejumping. and dont worry you're not alone, if you ever feel that way or want to talk feel free to contact me
    patrick
     
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