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Just giving hope to those who are suicidal and feel helpless (from an ex-suicidal person)

iloverachel

An unwelcomed alien who does not belong in society
#1
I have not been on here for a long time, but if you read some of my old threads you could see how bad my situation and mindset was. Also have advice on how I overcame it near the end

https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...-almost-every-single-day.163291/#post-2125740
From April 2, 2020

"I am so sick and fed up with feeling like total crap nearly every day for the past 5 years
And no I am not complaining without doing anything about it"

This was my life BEFORE (when I had mental illness)
-Slept over 10 hours a day, would sleep as late as 4am, and wake up at 4pm
-No job
-109 kilograms in weight pure fat
-Too lazy to shave or apply for jobs (was unemployed)
-Daily suicidal thoughts/depressive episodes
-Would take illegal drugs every single week, and would panic if i could not get them as I had to rely on them just to feel okay
-Terrible anxiety where I could not even go to a supermarket or crowded place without a panic attack
-Life was meaningless, nothing to look forward to

Now, 8 months later
-I have a steady sleeping schedule, wake up around 9am and hit the gym for at least 1-2 hours, 6 days a week
-I have a part time job, regularly applying hoping to find a full time job
-More energetic and sociable, I love going out now and feel more confident
-I no longer feel depressed or suicidal. Only two depressive episodes the past few months (one was when I drank alcohol)
-I no longer take drugs to self medicate. I drink alcohol but I limit myself and drink on special occasions
-I enjoy life now and look forward to meeting new people, making good memories with existing friends, trying out different sports and hobbies

How I overcame my depression and anxiety
-Take tiny steps at a time.
-I started by fixing my sleep. Every week I would aim to sleep 30 minutes earlier, and eventually i woke up early and made it a habit
-Medication - I found Zoloft to be the most effective, but have tried many others such as Lexapro which didn't really help. I started on a low dose then upped it to 2 dosages a day until i no longer felt i needed them
-Exercise. This one is extremely hard but extremely important. I started by going to the gym once every 2 days, and lifted the lightest weight possible and did bare minimum effort. As I started to lose weight, I gained more energy and felt less tired. Eventually I started to put in more effort and I found that lifting and exercising did wonders for my mood, as high intensity exercises releases feel good chemicals and endorphins to the brain.
-Socialising. If you have good friends, always reach out, talk to them, hang out with them etc. If you don't have friends, maybe just talk to a stranger if you have the courage, or socialise in forums like this. Otherwise you will feel lonely and with depression, loneliness makes it worse.
-Meditation. I meditated 2 minutes a day for a week, increased it to 5, then 10 etc until I did at least 30 minutes a day. I no longer meditate that much but try to do it once in a while because I don't feel sad anymore
-Drugs/ alcohol - My advice is to stay away from drugs, they relieve your symptoms for maybe a few hours, and you feel 10x worse the next day and your brain will be messed up long term. Also cut back on alcohol. I used to drink a lot to numb the pain but all it did was push it away so that it comes back worse

MOST IMPORTANTLY - Changing your mindset and trying to think positive - This is hard, as a depressed person always tends to view the world in a negative light and focuses on the negatives. Every day I kept saying to myself life is meaningless I want to die etc. But i trained my mind slowly, my mind was a dark awful place, but now I am more positive and happy.

I really hope the best for you guys, as I know how hard mental health is.

Thank you to everyone who had replied to my threads in the past, especially the kind moderators and staff who also assisted. This forum is awesome best of luck to you all
 

adamjam

Well-Known Member
#2
I have not been on here for a long time, but if you read some of my old threads you could see how bad my situation and mindset was. Also have advice on how I overcame it near the end

https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...-almost-every-single-day.163291/#post-2125740
From April 2, 2020

"I am so sick and fed up with feeling like total crap nearly every day for the past 5 years
And no I am not complaining without doing anything about it"

This was my life BEFORE (when I had mental illness)
-Slept over 10 hours a day, would sleep as late as 4am, and wake up at 4pm
-No job
-109 kilograms in weight pure fat
-Too lazy to shave or apply for jobs (was unemployed)
-Daily suicidal thoughts/depressive episodes
-Would take illegal drugs every single week, and would panic if i could not get them as I had to rely on them just to feel okay
-Terrible anxiety where I could not even go to a supermarket or crowded place without a panic attack
-Life was meaningless, nothing to look forward to

Now, 8 months later
-I have a steady sleeping schedule, wake up around 9am and hit the gym for at least 1-2 hours, 6 days a week
-I have a part time job, regularly applying hoping to find a full time job
-More energetic and sociable, I love going out now and feel more confident
-I no longer feel depressed or suicidal. Only two depressive episodes the past few months (one was when I drank alcohol)
-I no longer take drugs to self medicate. I drink alcohol but I limit myself and drink on special occasions
-I enjoy life now and look forward to meeting new people, making good memories with existing friends, trying out different sports and hobbies

How I overcame my depression and anxiety
-Take tiny steps at a time.
-I started by fixing my sleep. Every week I would aim to sleep 30 minutes earlier, and eventually i woke up early and made it a habit
-Medication - I found Zoloft to be the most effective, but have tried many others such as Lexapro which didn't really help. I started on a low dose then upped it to 2 dosages a day until i no longer felt i needed them
-Exercise. This one is extremely hard but extremely important. I started by going to the gym once every 2 days, and lifted the lightest weight possible and did bare minimum effort. As I started to lose weight, I gained more energy and felt less tired. Eventually I started to put in more effort and I found that lifting and exercising did wonders for my mood, as high intensity exercises releases feel good chemicals and endorphins to the brain.
-Socialising. If you have good friends, always reach out, talk to them, hang out with them etc. If you don't have friends, maybe just talk to a stranger if you have the courage, or socialise in forums like this. Otherwise you will feel lonely and with depression, loneliness makes it worse.
-Meditation. I meditated 2 minutes a day for a week, increased it to 5, then 10 etc until I did at least 30 minutes a day. I no longer meditate that much but try to do it once in a while because I don't feel sad anymore
-Drugs/ alcohol - My advice is to stay away from drugs, they relieve your symptoms for maybe a few hours, and you feel 10x worse the next day and your brain will be messed up long term. Also cut back on alcohol. I used to drink a lot to numb the pain but all it did was push it away so that it comes back worse

MOST IMPORTANTLY - Changing your mindset and trying to think positive - This is hard, as a depressed person always tends to view the world in a negative light and focuses on the negatives. Every day I kept saying to myself life is meaningless I want to die etc. But i trained my mind slowly, my mind was a dark awful place, but now I am more positive and happy.

I really hope the best for you guys, as I know how hard mental health is.

Thank you to everyone who had replied to my threads in the past, especially the kind moderators and staff who also assisted. This forum is awesome best of luck to you all
How did you train your mind? I have a hard time with this, depression seems to always have a negative for every positive thought.
 

iloverachel

An unwelcomed alien who does not belong in society
#3
How did you train your mind? I have a hard time with this, depression seems to always have a negative for every positive thought.
It was not easy at all and I think it depends on the negative thoughts you have.

For me, my recurring negative thoughts were things like
-Life is so boring
-Life is meaningless
-I am sick of feeling crap daily
-I will never get better etc

It took time to change and rid these thoughts but I found that distractions and reframing works
Example of distraction
If I am having too many overwhelming negative thoughts, I would either read something, chat or hang with a friend, watch a YouTube video, or train and focus on mind muscle connection for at least 30 minutes. Its really hard at first but you gotta really immerse yourself in an activity to get yourself out of that negative thought cycle
-Reframing a thought. Put the negative thought in a more positive light, and just keep rethinking it in your head
For me, I kept saying in my head "I will never get better, I will be sad for life etc". One day I decided to think "I will get better, eventually, because others have, and I have felt better in the past, and will feel better again"

Always try to redirect your focus to the positive. Another example for me, I HATED crowds (due to anxiety, self consciousness etc). Whenever I went out in public, instead of focusing on how crowded places were, I focused on the beautiful weather, or the food I am eating, or the people I am spending time with, the smell of fresh air, the beautiful buildings etc.

IT really takes time and a conscious effort but it works. I used to be so negative my friends started to distance themselves from me and complain about my negative energy. I knew I had to take steps to change, now they tell me I am more positive and they invite me more often as I am more optimistic.

Conclusion (short version)
-IF you have negative thought, immerse in an activity such as reading or training to redirect your attention and focus
-Reframe your thought in a more positive light
-Understand it takes time, and you won't rid yourself of negative thoughts overnight. Best of lucj
 

adamjam

Well-Known Member
#4
It was not easy at all and I think it depends on the negative thoughts you have.

For me, my recurring negative thoughts were things like
-Life is so boring
-Life is meaningless
-I am sick of feeling crap daily
-I will never get better etc

It took time to change and rid these thoughts but I found that distractions and reframing works
Example of distraction
If I am having too many overwhelming negative thoughts, I would either read something, chat or hang with a friend, watch a YouTube video, or train and focus on mind muscle connection for at least 30 minutes. Its really hard at first but you gotta really immerse yourself in an activity to get yourself out of that negative thought cycle
-Reframing a thought. Put the negative thought in a more positive light, and just keep rethinking it in your head
For me, I kept saying in my head "I will never get better, I will be sad for life etc". One day I decided to think "I will get better, eventually, because others have, and I have felt better in the past, and will feel better again"

Always try to redirect your focus to the positive. Another example for me, I HATED crowds (due to anxiety, self consciousness etc). Whenever I went out in public, instead of focusing on how crowded places were, I focused on the beautiful weather, or the food I am eating, or the people I am spending time with, the smell of fresh air, the beautiful buildings etc.

IT really takes time and a conscious effort but it works. I used to be so negative my friends started to distance themselves from me and complain about my negative energy. I knew I had to take steps to change, now they tell me I am more positive and they invite me more often as I am more optimistic.

Conclusion (short version)
-IF you have negative thought, immerse in an activity such as reading or training to redirect your attention and focus
-Reframe your thought in a more positive light
-Understand it takes time, and you won't rid yourself of negative thoughts overnight. Best of lucj
Thank you for that.
 

Baywasp

I want wind to blow
SF Supporter
#5
Hi @iloverachel
I remember reading some of your posts in the past. I'm so glad to hear how much better you're doing! I agree that a lot of people could benefit from a change in mindset. It helped a lot for me when I started actually wanting to try and get myself out of my rut instead of just wallowing in it. Things are by no means perfect for me, but trying to change my thinking really did help at least some.
 

iloverachel

An unwelcomed alien who does not belong in society
#6
Hi @iloverachel
I remember reading some of your posts in the past. I'm so glad to hear how much better you're doing! I agree that a lot of people could benefit from a change in mindset. It helped a lot for me when I started actually wanting to try and get myself out of my rut instead of just wallowing in it. Things are by no means perfect for me, but trying to change my thinking really did help at least some.
Yeah changing your mind is difficult, I gave up so many times but then i would wake up and think this is a new day to start fresh and little by little i tried to remove the negativity
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#8
Well, I don't do drugs nor alcohol, nor smokes neither.
Exercising is a hard thing for me. It's like I'm fine with any sort of physical activities that is not considered exercising.
Socializing is normal for me. All I have to do is not talking about suicidal thoughts and mental health problems.

Anyways, it's good to know things are getting better for you.
 

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