Just got triggered

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hache, Aug 2, 2009.

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  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Just got triggered by a young couple walking past the window, of which the girl was extremely attractive. But they were probably only 16ish, now I feel like shit, like i fucked up my teen years, like never having a gf and social life even now at 21 never mind teen years, whats the point in going on when I cant acquire the basics. I should be fully developed or approaching that stage of adolescence by now, 21 and a half years old. But I am not, I have no social life, I have never had a relationship
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it never will. There's still a chance. But I can understand being triggered; it's hard when you see someone happy, or having something you want. Don't give up though!
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I've made changes and moves in attempt to speed up the process, turns out i am not good enough though
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It doesn't mean you're not good enough. Are you able to get out and do things that keep you interacting with people?
  5. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    right now i have a summer job until i go back to uni in 49 days time, therefore i do not want anything now, unless it came a long to me.

    But last year of uni was epic fail, maybe i should just get escort, get it over with then accept i will live a lone forever
  6. Hache, i know where youre coming from. my first real kiss/gf/sex etc was 19 and throughout high school before that i was miserable. i would have offed myself then but i had a faint hope that i would be happier in college

    for a while in college i went to a few parties and had a few decent friendships but they kind of faded after a while and my relationship went down the drain as well.

    now i'm 23 and the only reason im keeping on is because im so near getting my degree. i live with my parents again and have no friends at all and no romantic interests.

    my advice to you would be to not be bothered by "ive never ____ and im almost 22". from experience i can tell you that firsts dont matter, what matters is where you are now and whether you are happy. people tend to think about number of good times had, wasted time, girls f***ed etc etc like it's a balance book, but if you can get beyond that mindset and focus on the here and now youll have made progress.

    as for improving that "here and now", im the last guy to go to for advice. i still dont know how to make friends. i would advise you, though, to find a way to have a good time so you arent dependent on other people. it's a pity you cant drink till youre 21 in america, because going to a bar or a show alone is way easier when you can get a drink or two in you and ease your inhibitions and stress
  7. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    i'm in the UK, i can drink, but its not the kind of place you go to a bar alone

    I see what you mean though.

    i've not got the hobbys, passions or drives for anything so that it can give my life meaning, excitement, fulfillment, which is why I am in a position where I view a social life and a love life as the answer to the meaning, excitement and fulfillment. Also it's like my friends in the first year at uni, and subsequently who I will be living with, they dont really have anything, yet they have social and love lives. So I do not know, I am lost about the not having to rely on others, I kind of need others and participation with them to take my hand and lead me to better things, i need the social life they bring and an element of hope for a live life.

    The only time I've started having motivation and such is when I became infatuated, and so for about a week, until rejection, I had this immense urge and desire to do things, I started doing things, rather than nothing. Yet now I cannot do things, I cannot get the passion for it. Its like I need someone to breath life into me.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    im almost 50 and i am not in a relationship. nor was i in one when i was in highschool.
    its not the end of the world. dont compare yourself to others. its not fair. their not you. there are many ppl that didnt experiance relationships in their teen years.

    just go and do what you do and live life. it will happen when its ready. dont just go looking for the first thing to walk your way, thats how relationships turn to crap.
    dont get discouraged.
  9. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    There's nothing I hate more than seeing young people doing what I feel I should've done at that age or worse than that, people my age enjoying their lives. But don't let it trigger you, try to let it inspire you and achieve what it is you want to achieve.
    If you want a relationship there are tons of ways. You could try internet dating if you find it difficult to go out and meet people.
    I didn't have relationships in my teens and I know plenty of others who didn't either, it doesn't make you any worse off believe me and no girl is going to care about that at all. She's only going to care that you care about her.
  10. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey hache .. how r u feeling tday ?
    u know u can pm me anytime :hug:
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Hache it will happen eventually.. Don't rush it.. Look after your studies right now.. I disagree with the OP, you don't want to look for a relationship in a bar..You will get caught up with lust because of the excitement that you have gotten lucky.. I met all my ex's in bars and none of them lasted long term.. Once the excitement wore off they always went to the bars and hooked up with someone else..While I sat at home trying to build a life for us..The right girl will come along.. Are there any groups at uni that you can join?? That would be a good place to start looking..
  12. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replys.

    I clearly need to get a life then.

    I just dont know how, what to do, i have no interests or courage to follow anything through.

    I am at university doing something for the sake of being at university, I do not know what my career path is, I have no motivation or drive to get to achieve whatever, i just plod on through, scrape through sometimes, mininum effort required.

    I've looked up the clubs at uni, nothing appeals to me. Everything is destined to be boring and lonely because of my personality.

    Today I feel stupid and ashamed of any desires I might have to have someone.
  13. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    dont feel silly or ashamed.. :hug:
    u just want 2 better urself .. and theres nothing wrong with that ..
    u know im the the same .. with wanting some1 2 be with .. but i think we jus both have 2 be patient .. who knows what might happen when u go 2 uni .. u might meet the woman of ur dreams within a few hours of being there ! u never know ..
    just keep ur options open .. and dont stop wanting 2 better urself .. its a good thing :)
    ur a kewl person hache! u make me laugh .. and ur a great listener - 2 qualitys that girls love! .. just hang in there .. u deserve 2 be happy .. and im sure u will be soon .. x
  14. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I do not believe patience is a virtue, it has proven to be a waste of time whilst I rot down.

    Last year at uni I waited, and waited, for a life, a hope, by the end of the year, when it was clear nothing would happen, I turned to drink, self harm and gambling.

    The only thing making me want to go back is how much I despise my home life and this silly crush on someone giving me false hope and belief.

    What happens if I get triggered when I am at uni? I will be too weak and therefore drink, self harm, gamble again, because I do not have the fear of being caught that I do at home.

    My qualities just make me a friend, I have no sex appeal.
  15. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    yea u do .. u have oodles of sex appeal .. iv seen ur photo remember ! ;)
    ur really brave 2 be going 2 uni .. i probably couldnt do it ..
    im sure it wont be easy by any means .. but u can get through this .. ur alot stonger than u think .. if u get triggered prehaps distance urself whilst u get ur thoughts together .. come online? post here?
    mabye get some sort of therapy? it might be an idea 2 have things in place .. so if u do feel urself slipping u have support ready ..
    :hug: x
  16. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    if i had sex appeal then girls would be showing an interest...

    coming online has never worked, i dont want therapy, i want a life
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