Just had enough

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Flip, Mar 7, 2014.

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  1. Flip

    Flip Member

    Hi everyone,

    I'm not sure why I'm posting - I guess I just want to express my feelings and that's hard to do with people who can't understand.

    I should think myself lucky because I don't have any material worries and I have good personal relationships. It's just that I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for over 30 years and it's a never ending battle that I can't seem to win. Everyday is like running up a muddy hill when it's raining and freezing while everyone else seems to live in a parallel universe where they're having a gentle stroll when it's warm and sunny. I seem to use 10 times the energy just to keep up.

    Day in, day out it's always the same and I don't know how much longer I can bear it. Is it really worth the effort? Really? I'm sorry that I'm asking these things when I know there's no real answer. I've tried everything I can to help myself and I've had support from friends, doctors, psychiatrists including therapies and medication. I've concluded that this is as good as it gets and that it's a battle not worth the fight. The only time I get any peace is when I'm asleep and I wish I didn't have to wake up.

    I know if I was replying to this I'd say speak to someone, things can get better, set some goals, think about what you can change etc. Been there, done that more times than I can remember. I suppose I'd just like to hear from some people who know where I'm coming from and that I'm not on my own. Not that I'd wish feeling like this on anyone but I'm hoping it might give me a little comfort.

    Anyway, sorry for the long post and I'd love to hear from you.

  2. IrishGirlVA

    IrishGirlVA New Member

    Hi Philip. I can't express just HOW MUCH I relate to your post! I suffer from the same feelings of angst as you do. I get up, I go to work, I go home, I go to sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. It's a rat race and it sucks. I can't imagine another 25 years of doing this same thing over and over. And I find no joy when I'm not working. My best friend (and only friend) just started a new relationship so she's no where to be found. I daydream just to escape the real world. I sleep as much as I can. I think about ways to die if nature doesn't take me first. I know that when I once felt my best it was when I was going to the gym and working out. But it's a catch 22. I know it will make me feel better and give me more energy but I don't have the energy right now to get there! At the moment I just feel as if I am wasting my life away. I feel as if I had made no contributions in this life. I want a do-over.

    Is there something from your past that you used to really enjoy doing? Is it something you would be willing to try and start doing again?
  3. soulreaper

    soulreaper Well-Known Member

    hang in there bro, maybe you need a break from your routine, maybe some vacant time is called for, use it wisely do something extroniary and excite, bring a little life into your life, best of luck, keep your head up bro.
  4. Flip

    Flip Member

    Thanks for both your replies guys - I really appreciate it!

    Irish Girl - wow, you really do understand. Lather, rinse, repeat - that's my life all over. And as for daydreaming to escape real life, that's exactly what I do. I sometimes wonder if I need to make a radical change in my life as a last resort to see if that improves things but, as you've suggested, I need to see if I'm missing something that I used to enjoy first. At the minute though, I can't seem to remember enjoying anything. One thing I find really interesting in what you've written is that you find no joy when you're not working. I wouldn't say I get any pleasure from work but at least it keeps me busy and gives me a purpose. God, I hate it sometimes though! How do you feel about work and do you ever share how you feel with other people?

    Soulreaper - thanks for the encouragement. I guess one of the problems is that I can't see much life getting into my life and, to be honest, I don't have any motivation to do it. Of course you're right though - its just so difficult when all you want to do is curl up, go to sleep and not wake up.

  5. Flip

    Flip Member

    I know this thread is from last year but I still feel the same and wondered if anyone else can relate.

    Thanks for reading

  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are still feeling the same way I too have felt this way for a long time and have had therapy but will not take meds I wonder if you have discussed other treatment plans with your doctor ECT they say is last choice of treatment i don't know There is suppose to be newer methods and meds to treat depression just wonder if ou have tired some

    They say try new things something you would not have tried before maybe that will help even if you do not think it will bring joy it may

    Hope you continue to talk here it helps to know one is not alone
  7. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    I understand both your heartache and frustration with that.. I have been battling depression 27 yrs myself.. and am almost sure it will be a lifelong battle. Medication and therapy never did the trick, in fact it just gave me more and more guilt feelings from the therapy and more and more side effects from the medication.. so I have stopped doing those things... and now I have turned to alternative therapies including: aromatherapy (essential oils), relaxation techniques, exercise and vitamins.. I also want to learn and implement herbal remedies and dietary solutions into that but atm I am still learning a bit about essential oils and vitamins so I want to get completely comfortable with those first. This combination of things has helped me improve both my mental/emotional well being and my physical (I have seizures) well being significantly. This combination may or may not work for you.. but I do encourage you to look around and find those things that may work better for you than what you have been doing.

    All the best to you.. please take care
  8. Flip

    Flip Member

    Hi guys,

    I'm really grateful that you took the time to reply. I think you're both right and that it's time to try something new. As you'll both understand though, finding the motivation can be really difficult. Work keeps me busy and my dogs force me out of the house at the weekend but otherwise, I can't find the strength to do anything else.

    So the answer is that I need to push myself because I guess I'm the only one who can make a difference. Reading posts on here really helps though as I find it a comfort to know I'm not on my own.

    Take care

  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you itis hard sometimes to push ourselves but start small ok each small step helps to motivate us to do more hugs
  10. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    do your friends know about what you are going through?
  11. Flip

    Flip Member

    Definitely not. I'm quite a private person and I'd be very uncomfortable with that.
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