I hate this. I'm exhausted. I don't know why I do this to myself every fucking time. Let myself get so high I'm really just giving myself more rope to hang myself with and I know it too. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. Bipolar take your meds. F. U. C. K. O. F. F. Fuck off and die!! its always worth it until I get to this stage. I don't sleep, I never fucking sleep. I made too many plans again. I spent too much money. I don't have a job anymore. I've irritated my friends and everyone thats come into contact with me. They hate me. I hate me. Why the FUCK is this happening again!? I don't want to be here. He spends time with me when it suits him. He doesn't understand I was fucking well falling in love with him. My own thoughts are going to suffocate me. I can never get away from them, no matter how loud my headphones go. No matter how far I run away. I feel sick. I want to scream. Its all gone to shit. My childhood keeps coming back to fucking well haunt me. Like even my childhood self spites the person I've become and wants to make me suffer. I hate hate hate hate it all! If I could curl up and sleep I would but I can't because the thoughts in my head won't stop. I have to leave for college in 6 hours. I'm not going. They'll think I'm lazy. They'll think I don't care. I do. I just can't leave the house. I can't leave the house because I'll go to the fucking trainstation and get a train to the airport, where I'll get the first plain out of here, to anywhere. Hows that for lazy?! FUCK THEM. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK IT ALL. JUST. FUCK!