not sure why i am posting, as i don't really want talking out of this. i just need to heard. i need someone to know that i really, really tried my best. that i didn't give up without a fight. i am not planning on doing anything tonight, or even this week. in fact, i give myself a long-ish deadline because part of me wants to be proven wrong. i thought when i moved i would leave my mood swings behind me. i would leave the voices behind me. but they are still here. and you know what they say? who are you to think you deserve a second chance. you are a joke. you are a nobody. i want to be remembered for the kind things that i did for other people, for my sense of humour, for my art. and i want my friends and family to remember that i worked really hard to get better, i really did. instead i find that i can start crying at any moment and i just can't stop. i cannot put my childhood behind me, no matter how much i open up in therapy. i am alone and believe i always will be. i hope they will forgive me.