just hear me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dazzle11215, Sep 3, 2008.

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  1. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    not sure why i am posting, as i don't really want talking out of this.

    i just need to heard. i need someone to know that i really, really tried my best. that i didn't give up without a fight.

    i am not planning on doing anything tonight, or even this week. in fact, i give myself a long-ish deadline because part of me wants to be proven wrong.

    i thought when i moved i would leave my mood swings behind me. i would leave the voices behind me. but they are still here. and you know what they say? who are you to think you deserve a second chance. you are a joke. you are a nobody.

    i want to be remembered for the kind things that i did for other people, for my sense of humour, for my art. and i want my friends and family to remember that i worked really hard to get better, i really did.

    instead i find that i can start crying at any moment and i just can't stop. i cannot put my childhood behind me, no matter how much i open up in therapy. i am alone and believe i always will be.

    i hope they will forgive me.
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Dazzle,
    You aren't alone, there are several of us who care what happens to you!! Why don't you talk with your dad and see if you can stay with him for awhile, so you have a roof over your head.
    You really are a great person, you are just a little lost right now. Keep using your list! You know it helps you because it kept you going in Ireland! You also know you can talk to me. I just hate to see you suffer so much!
    Did you hear anything on the jobs you were hoping for? I think once you find some work you will start feeling better. Right now you are under stress because you aren't working. Once you find work it will occupy some of that free time you have.
    Please don't harm yourself!!! Who else is going to keep me straight when I get out of line on the forum? Please hang on to the positive things you have accoplished in the past. Stay Safe and Stay Strong!!! Friends Always!!!:chopper:!!!
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    All you can do dazzle is just try your best. I know you can do it. You can beat this. Tell those voices to go away and never come back. Prove them wrong. :hug:
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    don't give in
     
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    By posting this, it may in turn relieve some stress and negative energy that is inside you.
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    thanks, guys. i am working for the temp agency for the next 10 days. after that, who knows. i haven't had a call about the job i really want, with the library. alot can happen in 10 days to change my mind, but at the moment i feel very at peace with this decision. you know how that is, all the turmoil of "should i" or "shouldn't i" is gone. now it's just a matter of waiting until my other commitments are finished.
     
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Good to hear that your in a more calm state. Hope things work out for you.
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey dazzle,
    I am glad you have found something to occupy your thoughts a little. I am still keeping my fingers crossed for you!! If you need to talk or vent just PM me. Talk to you later!!!:chopper:!!!
     
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