Just hurt myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GreenChick, Jan 7, 2009.

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  1. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    And now I am afraid someoen is going to call the police on me, because I posted about it on another forum. God, I'm so stupid!

    mod edit =helena= Methods

    It was hard because its the middle of the night- 3:21 - and I had no one to call or talk to. But I'm going to be alright, I couldn't have died, if I had pased out it just would've loosened.

    I will be ok, but I really hope those on the other forum dont' call the police on me. Because I don't really want to die, I just wanted to get the feel of it.

    So I am still struggling. Still want ing to hurt myself.
     
  2. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi Greenchick,
    I understand you're still suffering, but please don't hurt yourself, and no more try outs,
    they could end up in a lot of damage and what if some relative walked in on you?
    I know my attempts,2, ages ago, made everyone around me aware of the danger of loosing me, the danger of a succeded attempt I guess...it must have been painfull for them, and though, or because, I was myself in pain I couldn't bare the sad looks and the feeling everyone was living in fear from then on.
    What is going on in your life to make you feel so bad?
    Are you seeing a therapist or someone else trained to deal with depression?
    Again, please stay safe and come around here whenever you need a rant, a shoulder, an hug.....
    Oh well, give you one allready :hug: :)
     
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Just so that you know, when you start it will be forever
    it addictive like cigarrets, just so that you know!
    so think twise before your next attempt
     
  4. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    I don't know why killing myself is so appealing to me. I just want to inflict suffering on myself. I am having a very hard time accepting that I went to a church for help with money and they gave me money. I am really struggling with that.

    There are a lot of things I am unhappy about,and hurting myself makes me feel better on some level, especially if there is a risk of death involved.

    I will try not to do it again though.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello GreenChick,
    What has you so down? Has something triggered you to want to try to commit? I can relate to you wanting to end it but you have to keep on fighting! If your not in therapy you should really think about going to one. They are very good at what they do and can teach you alot about how to deal with your thoughts!!
    I know some people don't beleive in therapy but sometimes you have to go thru a couple before you find one you can bond with. You have to open up and spill your guts to them so they can come up with a treatment plan for you! Please don't try to harm yourself, if things are that bad then go to the hospital and seek help!!Take Care!~Joseph~
     
  6. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    What is bothering me is money issues.

    I got a letter threatenign to cut off my electicity and I had to borrow from my parents and they were really awful about it. It's all my fault- I made a mistake, I accidentally overdrafted my account, thinking a check had cleared that hadn't, and bought a whole bunch of 3 dollar books on line, and the bank charged me 40 dollars for each transaction- over 500 dollars in fees. Through my own stupid fault I couldn't pay my bills, my rent, etc. Nothing! I had to call up a church and borrow from them. I feel so ashamed- on food stamps, unable to pay my bills- that I want to die or at least hurt myself really bad to punish myself.
     
  7. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hey GreenChick,

    There's nothing to be ashamed of with money problems, even though if it's your faults. This is nothing to be worried about, as you can count on your church for helping you, money is not the issue as when you do get it, you can slowly pay them back.

    Do not feel ashamed because you have to borrow money due to a mistake you've done. You've done nothing wrong, it is only an accident on your part, nothing wrong to be ashamed about so don't be so hard on yourself.

    Do not punish yourself simply because you think you deserved to be punished. Who the hell deserved to be punished for making small mistakes like this?? You're not meant to be punished, so don't punish yourself - I speak from the truth.

    This is nothing to be worried about, it's not like you're bankrupt you're still young and can earn the money back easily. Just tell the church what you're feeling right now will help you a lot.

    Peace and love,

    DAVE
     
  8. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    Well, I know the pastor and his wife and the elders of the church wouldn't want me to kill myself for making a mistake.

    I am hanging in there, still struggling, still alive.
     
  9. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Good ,please do :hug:
     
  10. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I'm glad your hanging in there :hug:
     
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't harm yourself again GreenChick. It's ok to have money problems hun. Many people are having a hard time with money during this financial crisis. Please don't give up hun. :hug:
     
  12. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Greenchick,

    This is not a problem and not a mistake at all, this is only an accident so there's nobody doing wrong here. Just talk to your pastor maybe he can pray for you. No need to tell him about you being suicidal, just tell him you're depressed, he'll understand.

    Take care
     
  13. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member


    I would Listen to Helena.
     
  14. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    Hi. I actually did talk to the pastor and he was very supportive. He said he'd pray for me, and I may be going to that church this Sunday. I don't know the pastor very well but I know his wife a bit more, from when I used to go to church, and I actually told her about what I did.

    She was very kind.She told me that i can call her or her husband any time if I feel I need to and they would talk to me. She said she has a friend who is bipolar and she understands, and suggested I talk to my counselor.

    I did talk to my counselor. I wasn't scheduled to see her for another two weeks but she said to come in on Tuesday and she'd squeeze me in. I am very grateful.

    I am still struggling, but hanging in there. Tonight expecially was very difficult, as I was up all night and couldnt' sleep and thought about hurting myself a lot, most of the night. But I got through it without attempting anything or hurting myself. Now its 5:23 am, still to early to call anyone but I think I'll be ok. Nights can just be the worst, because if you can't sleep the hours just drag on and on, and there is no one to call if you are feeling bad.

    But thank you for listening, guys, and I'll keep you posted.
     
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm glad that you spoke to your paster and his wife. They can be really nice if you get to know them. I'm sorry that you're still struggling, but I'm glad to hear that you resisted the urge to harm yourself again. :hug:
     
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