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just. i. dont. know. just. aaarrhhhhh.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Tara, Jul 7, 2007.

  1. Tara

    Tara Guest

    Right so here goes me again, once more back to moan. feel free not to read any further.

    Ive been ill for days now, and i got sent home from work at 1pm today. I feel like absolute shit and i just wanna lay down, but i cant keep still or keep my mind occupied for more than 5 minutes, i dont know what to do with myself.
    Anyway a couple of times in work now the boss has said something about my weight and its really upset me, its not as if i dont know, i do know, leave me alone!!!!!!! the other week she commented "oh you're ankles are swolen aint they" NO THEY ARENT THEY ARE JUST FAT, THANKS FOR STATING THAT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!! so now i feel uncomfortable wearing three-quarter trousers to work. Then today i was telling her why i was feeling sick and she was going on saying stuff about how shes thinks its a stomach reflex thing and i should watch what types of food that i eat, blah blah blah and then she turned round and said "no offence, but its usually with people who are overweight"......thanks for that, i was already feeling shit but she made me feel soo much worse! And now i dont want to go back again. like ever. im sick of this.

    So mums going out clubbing tonight. and shes here now drinking with a few mates before they leave.
    I was sittin her at the computer, just sitting there, not doin anything lol, but my aunty came over "drunk" apparently! anyway she starts this whole speech about how its hard for my mum to see me like this, never going out, and wasting my life away. "oh ive been depressed, i feel depressed sometimes but you just need to get out" and "you know youve put on weight recently dont you? but you're a beautiful girl..." "you're single aint u?"

    ITS HARD FOR HER??????? WHAT ABOUT ME? its hard for me :sad:
    Im sick of people. i hate the way they talk to me. I KNOW FFS. i see myself in the mirror everyday. i make myself feel sick everyday and my stupid ugly reflection i DO NOT need people telling me on top of that.
    On top of that, i dont need people who know im depressed and should know better telling me these things, people who are supposed to be my friends and family and people i should be able to trust.

    I was starvin' a minute ago and now i feel crap and i cant eat now cause im fat and i dont need any more calories in my body do i? i cant put on any more weight.
    what do i do.

    :awww::nerves::yuk::ill::bash:<< just sums up how i feel right now.
  2. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member


    Try not to worry about the weight thing hun. I know it's hard and it probably sounds like a load of crap coming from me, especially as I'm sat at the comp drinking coke and eating almost pure sugar, even tho I'm worried about being the heaviest person in my family :laugh:
  3. Tara

    Tara Guest

    eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! arghhh i jussstttttt grrrrrrrr!

    Ive had enough of this now.
    Me and my mum are doing the special K diet, just having a lil go you know. My mum is small and a size 10 and she looks fabulous, she just wants to lose her belly, whereas i wanna lose everything haha.
    Anyway she was telling my aunty [yes that Gillian ive mentioned before!] convo - key G[Gill] M[mum]
    M-Im doing the special k diet with Tara
    G- Oh Debbie, you dont wanna be doing that, you dont need to lose weight, i seen you when you lost weight, you looked terrible
    M - yes thats when i lost too much weight, i only want to lose like half a stone
    G - blah blah blah YOU ARE BIG BONED
    M- No im not
    blah blah blah blah
    G- You were a big baby, you were 10lb born
    M- so what, that means nothing, Tara was 6lb born

    wellllllllllllll thanks ALOT. maybe i wasnt supposed to hear it the first time cause i was in bed but i heard it the second time as you were in the same ROOM!!!!
    Way to hurt my feelings.
    All ive heard the past two weeks is comments, and snide remarks about my weight, and im sick of it.
    I wanted to focus on getting better, then lose weight, then go back to college and socialising and sorted. But no, apparantly all my problems will be solved when i lose weight as i so desperately need to do it now.

    Thing is my boss who said before about it, is way bigger than me, shes in 20's and over in clothes! im not! you know what i mean?!

    Argh, im so over this crap. Its not as if i dont know. i dont need people saying things.
    I. Just. Dont. Know. anymore :(