just introducing myself

[lofidelity_allstar]

Hello. I am feeling really low tonight and found this site through a search.

I am not where I want to be in life. I feel like I try so hard, and I am still just getting the same results. I have not been formally diagnosed, but I think I suffer from atypical depression, anxiety, and a little bit of obsessiveness. I feel like a failure and a disappointment to my family, and to myself.

I just don't really know what to do anymore.

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi and welcome...so sorry you are feeling so down...please share with us what is going on as I am sure many ppl will relate...welcome again

 

[Stranger1]

Hey Allstar, Welcome to the forums..You should make an appointment and get yourself a diagnosis for your own peace of mind..I'm sure your family loves you and you aren't a disappointment..Keep posting here and share what you want so we can give you better support... Take care!!

 

[ZombiePringle]

hiya, welcome to SF.

 

[lofidelity_allstar]

Thank you for the nice welcome.

I am almost ashamed to write the troubles I think I have, because I know they are not really a big deal in the grand scheme. My fortieth birthday is coming and I'm single yet again. I haven't told my mom yet because I don't want her to be disappointed.

I really thought I would have a family and actually have the experience of giving birth, but that is seeming like less of a possibility every day. I feel like everyone has moved on but me... and my peer group just becomes younger as a result. I am just constantly sad, but pretending I'm not, and really, really don't want to go on any medication. I doubt I can even afford medication, because in my attempt to change and make my life better, I left my well-paying job in a huge city so that I could live a simpler life. I thought it would help with my anxiety and depression if I wasn't in such an intense environment. But the industry I worked for doesn't exist here, and now I've got financial issues on top of it all.

My therapists in the city were helpful, but it seems that the counselors I see here are not as qualified. They say things like "you should internet date!" when what I really want is to get to the root of this alienation I've always felt.

I feel like I've done it all- I've changed locations, I've volunteered, taken classes, put myself out into the world in a way I don't see many people doing- and still, nothing. I am craving intimacy and terrified about what my future holds, or really, doesn't hold.

 

[roscho]

Hey Lofi, welcome to SF.

I understand a little about your struggles. When we slip out of our peer group professionally, it is a son of a gun to get to a good place again. I completely get the craving intimacy and terrified about the future part. I'm in my mid 40's, and have those same issues.

It sounds like you are or have been doing tons of great stuff, I vote that you keep doing those things, as they connect you to the world. Better connections are there, you are bound to find them if you keep putting yourself in the game.