I don't know what I want with this post... cause no one's words are helping right now. It's like I'm falling apart by just existing. The stuff in my head that I thought led me to this misery is nothing compared to what my soul is carrying. I don't think anyone will ever understand... but I've been here before, gone through this before. I've lost most of my ancient memories, but I know when I say this is too much. But I fear that if I kill myself I'll only end up playing this stupid game again and again and again. I'm lost in between, and I can't get out. Some part of me knows that I'll have to find a way to kill not only my body, but my old soul with it. There's so many layers of me and it never ends, I always find new layers and every time that happens it's like I both gain a piece of my soul as it also rips a piece off. I've lost my will to live so many times, I'm starting to think that I never had a will to live. I just don't see how I possibly could ever gain that will. It just feels so hopeless.