Just kill me now?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SweetTearsOfDeath, Jan 10, 2011.

  1. SweetTearsOfDeath

    SweetTearsOfDeath Well-Known Member

    I wish I could just start over... I am so unhappy. I weep everynight and get terrified of mydreams. I feel like my life is a lie. That everything that people say to me is a lie or a joke. I'm home alone today because I'm "sick". I should be at school attending my tenth grade honors classes... I just couldn't do it today.
    My mother has started drinking and smoking. I can't stand being close her anymore because she wreeks of smoke and alchohal. Of all the days I want to commit that awful seven letter word... I think of her. Early 2010 her father commited suicide about six months after a horrible failed attempt. He shot himself in the five minutes before we were suposed to pick him up to take him to the store. Pools of blood and brain matter was scattered everywhere. My mother still continues to cry at the mention of his name. She has a few mental conditions that are huge, as does everyone on her side of the family. Including me. Now, if I commited the same seven worded letter as my grandfather did.. What would happen to my mother? Her oldest and her most beloved daughter took her life. Odds are, she would do the same. Now, imagine her thirteen year old son if she had did that... My little brother would never be himself ever again. Scared in a way that no one can imagine. Of all the days I feel down and want to take my life. I think of them. They are the ONLY REASON in which I do not. I wish I was in a terrible freak accident in which I would never return. I can not take this anymore...
  2. SweetTearsOfDeath

    SweetTearsOfDeath Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking it's time to start saying goodbye now...
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Take those reasons thats holding you back and build on them. Just because you have mental issues within your family doesnt mean your doomed to a life of the same.

    This world today has come up with many ways to elivate or lesson the pain, its up to us if we use them or not. I do hope that you see the pain that suicide has caused your family and hope that your able to turn it around for you and for your brother.

    Does your mom get any type of help for her depression? Do you?
  4. SweetTearsOfDeath

    SweetTearsOfDeath Well-Known Member

    My mother sees a psychiatrist. My brother sees a psychologist. I see a psychiatrist. She doesn't help much. I'm on Prozac and I think a 40 or 50 miligram? I just started seeing her. It's not helping. I cry more and I sleep more. That is about it. I try telling her and she just says hormones, hormones, hormones. Can't she get it through her head?? I'm dealing with more than horomones here. A lot more.
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Why would they think its hormones, have you had THE surgery lately? Asking because I had mine around 2 years ago and it did bring on some crazy side effects but not really alot of depression, more anxiety and stress.

    Im sorry that you come from a long line of mental issues, so do I, but the differance can be to get help and want to help yourself, I know alot back then didnt, atleast I know none of my family did and that could be why they all self medicate with drugs and whatever they do to self hate.

    Can I ask outside of the medications how do you help yourself, I know alot of it has to deal with keeping yourself busy and your mind occupied, for me anyways and I find it so hard to come up with things, so I make lists constantly to remind me of what I can do.