I wish I could just start over... I am so unhappy. I weep everynight and get terrified of mydreams. I feel like my life is a lie. That everything that people say to me is a lie or a joke. I'm home alone today because I'm "sick". I should be at school attending my tenth grade honors classes... I just couldn't do it today.
My mother has started drinking and smoking. I can't stand being close her anymore because she wreeks of smoke and alchohal. Of all the days I want to commit that awful seven letter word... I think of her. Early 2010 her father commited suicide about six months after a horrible failed attempt. He shot himself in the five minutes before we were suposed to pick him up to take him to the store. Pools of blood and brain matter was scattered everywhere. My mother still continues to cry at the mention of his name. She has a few mental conditions that are huge, as does everyone on her side of the family. Including me. Now, if I commited the same seven worded letter as my grandfather did.. What would happen to my mother? Her oldest and her most beloved daughter took her life. Odds are, she would do the same. Now, imagine her thirteen year old son if she had did that... My little brother would never be himself ever again. Scared in a way that no one can imagine. Of all the days I feel down and want to take my life. I think of them. They are the ONLY REASON in which I do not. I wish I was in a terrible freak accident in which I would never return. I can not take this anymore...
My mother has started drinking and smoking. I can't stand being close her anymore because she wreeks of smoke and alchohal. Of all the days I want to commit that awful seven letter word... I think of her. Early 2010 her father commited suicide about six months after a horrible failed attempt. He shot himself in the five minutes before we were suposed to pick him up to take him to the store. Pools of blood and brain matter was scattered everywhere. My mother still continues to cry at the mention of his name. She has a few mental conditions that are huge, as does everyone on her side of the family. Including me. Now, if I commited the same seven worded letter as my grandfather did.. What would happen to my mother? Her oldest and her most beloved daughter took her life. Odds are, she would do the same. Now, imagine her thirteen year old son if she had did that... My little brother would never be himself ever again. Scared in a way that no one can imagine. Of all the days I feel down and want to take my life. I think of them. They are the ONLY REASON in which I do not. I wish I was in a terrible freak accident in which I would never return. I can not take this anymore...