Just letting it all out.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jace, Jul 30, 2010.

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  1. Jace

    Jace Active Member

    6 months ago my friend attempted suicide, I wouldn't call her a friend, she was more of a soul mate without the "mushy" stuff. She was all I had, she took the place of my mother and father who have never been there for me, my dad is abusive while my mother has been dead for 12 years. The world feels so empty without her. I miss her so much.

    The problem is I have no idea if she's alright, she was out of state visiting her father when she attempted suicide. I've talked to her parents a few times, they have always had a problem with me. I made it very clear that I was only there for their daughters friendship, and she meant the world to me. They thought our friendship was unhealthy, so we struggled to stay in contact while she was out of state. Anyways, I was in school when her mother called me and informed me of my friends attempt. They told me many times, over the internet, and to my face that it is my fault. That she never has had any depression until she met me. They hate me. Many times this friend told me that I've helped her grow as a person and that without me she had no idea where she would be, and that she's been fighting depression since she was a child. So it's been 6 months and her parents will not inform me of her condition, her mother told me "She's in a better place now, she's happy." But that makes it sound like she's dead. It's a horrible feeling not knowing how she is. Out of anger her step mother told me that my friend said I was a mistake, that I was a horrible person and that she wish she never met me.

    That's fine, I know I am. But I can't imagine this friend saying that! I don't know what to believe.

    2 weeks after her attempt I ended up trying myself. It's just been getting worse and I know if I continue down this path I won't be around much longer.

    I'm sorry it's not very organized, I'm not the best at writing down my feelings but that's the story.
     
  2. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    First off, suicide is far too complex to be any one person's fault, not to mention that from the way it sounds, you would be nowhere in that picture in the first place. Believe your gut instinct, believe in your friend and what she was like, not her dipsh*t mother, alright? If she said at one time that you helped her grow as a person, then believe her. Don't belittle what she felt for you by allowing her parent's reactions to overshadow them, or place them in doubt.

    From what it sounds like, her parents were most likely the main factor in her suicide. They sound like controlling dictators and remind me an awful lot of my own mother who had a nasty habit of singling out friends of mine and excommunicating them. The pain you must be in, I can't even imagine, but hold on to this: you do not know if she is dead. You have no deciding fact that says she is dead, you do not know if she is alive, but if there is even a half of a percent of a chance that she is alive then you owe it to both her and yourself to hang on until you know. Stop there for now, the what-ifs will eat you alive if you think any farther, alright?

    Hold on to the chance that she is alive, keep that close to you. Is there any way you can contact her? A cell phone? Calling her father's relatives, telling them what anguish your going through? Email? Calling potential hospitals? This has got to be painful, try as hard as you can to make contact and ignore what your friends' parents are saying. Her mother most likely meant by "She's in a better place now..." to mean that she's away from you and solely with the mother, as terrible as that sounds. You are not an awful person, you are not a horrible person, you are a fantastic friend for caring so much about this girl. Don't give up. What are your options for contact?

    --ThinkingCap
     
  3. Jace

    Jace Active Member

    Wow, very helpful post. That's why I've waited 6 months since my last attempt, I'm fighting for her. But it's getting harder and harder to get up every morning and fight for her, when there might be nothing to fight for anymore.

    As far as contact goes I have her email and cell phone number. We've emailed each other rarely, and she has my cell number. So if she wanted or was able to get into contact with me she could have. She's went against her parents wishes and emailed me a few times when I was "Off limits". This also worries me, I would think she would just check in, at least to say "Please leave me alone" if that's how she felt.

    I'm not sure how calling the correct hospital would benefit my situation, it's been 6 months since this incident. Besides don't you have to be family to get any information out of them? Please excuse my ignorance.
     
  4. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    Thanks aha, but I'm a bit confused, do you know if she's still alive or not? Or are you questioning if she's still interested in being your friend? If you are able to establish contact, then why not come out and as in the most noncombative way possible if she does want you to leave her alone? I get the impression that you would much rather do what's best for her than continue guessing. Though, if she was contacting you when you were 'off limits', then I'm pretty sure she likes you an awful lot.

    My mother labeled one of my friends as off limits, I mean severely off limits, but I continued to speak with him despite an intense fear of being caught becuase I liked him so much. If her mother is anything like mine, then she did the same thing for you. No one goes out on a limb for anyone, there's got to be an impetus to crawl, a reason why it would be worth it.

    --ThinkingCap
     
  5. Jace

    Jace Active Member

    I'm not sure if she is alive. But if she is alive I'm not sure if she still wants to be my friend. Since it's been 6 months without any contact. Does that make sense? I'd be fine if she didn't want to continue our friendship, whatever she feels is best for her I'm all for. But not knowing if she's alive tears me apart. I only want the best for her.

    I have emailed her once, but she hasn't replied.

    Her mother sounds like yours. She has threatened to phone the police if she ever caught me talking to her daughter.

    Thanks for taking the time to respond to my posts, it means so much to me to have somebody talk to about this, even though I don't know you.
     
  6. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    That makes sense, my goodness, what a confusing state to be in. I do think it would be most helpful to try to get in contact with other members of her family, the internet is a wonderful resource for that. Or maybe some of her other friends if you know any of them, or can contact them. Merely wanting to know if someone is alive or dead does not seem like an intrusive question, so I don't see why her family would have an issue telling you. But then again, families are strange, so who knows. But don't give up! Crazy mothers seem to be a plague, I swear.

    Of course! You're hurting, and anything I can do to help that I will. You can pm me any time if things get difficult, I may not respond right away, but I will respond. There are tons of other people here who would do the same as well.

    --ThinkingCap
     
  7. Jace

    Jace Active Member

    That shouldn't be too hard as her father lives in a very small town and almost everybody there is related to her (lol).

    You've renewed some of the hope that I was lacking, and I thank you for that. I'm going to head to bed as it is late here, have a great day/night!
     
  8. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    YOu are obviously a wonderful person for giving so much to your friend. The world needs you so MUCH. PLEASE STAY . You seem like a noble ,good person. Im praying for you!!!!
     
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