Just letting it out

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by anonymousx, Nov 23, 2010.

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  1. anonymousx

    anonymousx New Member

    My whole life, I've never seen my parents show affection toward each other not even a hug. Ever since I was born their marriage has gone down hill with my father cheating with another married woman and my mom has sat and watched. In October 2010 their divorce was legally finalized even though really they have been emotionally divorced for 14 years. They lived in the same house with each other having to deal with one another this whole time. Approximately 80% of my talks with my mom were about how my dad is a horrible husband, how he put us in debt, how she bought the house and let him go to school while she had to work and take care of my brother. Today my mom told me and my older brother to come to the living room to talk to us. She told us she already moved out, but she only stays in this house when me and my brother are home from school. She told us the divorce happened. She started to yell about how my father cheated for 14 years with the same woman. She talked about one encounter at the home wrecker's town home and how my mom caught them. It involved the police when the woman's daughter called the police where my dad tried to run but my mom was there with her car to trap his car in the scene. Of course my mom always knew and she still lived with it for me and my brother. She did not make it a secret and since I could remember I was reminded by my mom what my dad was always doing secretly. Back to today's talk with my mom, she started yelling at me; blaming me for her life's troubles. She lost the house that she bought for our family, the car she bought for my father which drove his mistress around in, and her kids too. Originally, I was going to be under my mom's custody but I unknowingly was listed under my dad's name because of my schooling situation. Prior to my whole schooling plan, I was going to move to Cali with my mom. Being with my mom has been the whole plan, but then I decided to go to a boarding school and problems rose with our financial situation. If I had stayed with her, she would have had the house and the kids. She blamed me because ever since I was born her family fell apart (20 years). My mom has lived a life of misery and blamed it on me. I know this shouldnt go in the forum, but I just want to let it out. It could relate I guess because for the longest time, she's been threatening to leave the world. I get scared and now I'm starting to feel like I would be the reason if she decides to do so. I feel now that she has hit rock bottom with no home, family, or a good paying job she will do so. I'm really scared and I just wanted to let it out.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    she was wrong to blame anything on you Adults are to be the ones that lookafter their children not the other way around. YOU are not to blame for anything and for her to do that to you was very cruel. If she ever does decide to leave it will not be because of you but because she could not cope A child is never to blame for what adults do.
  3. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear bout youre mess...

    if you write the text like i rewrote it, itwould be much easyer to read, thnx

    dont hurt yourself, take care


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